Enjoy the garden of life

"Would it be worthwhile to go through the botanical gardens?" I wondered, "or had the frost gotten the best of the blooms?"

But I had some time before my next event so I took a chance and wandered in. There were paths winding through foliage of many varieties...from formal trimmed hedges to lush meadow grasses, and persistent perennials. Brightly colored blooms still peeked out between sculptures, lights, bridges, and stone walls.

The quiet beauty of the morning was interspersed with laughter from a group of grade school kids on a field trip as I meandered my way through, enjoying the sun on my back. It sparked joy as I strolled past ponds, arbors, and sunken gardens.

I entered the tower garden where the flowing waterfalls and bubbling fountains caught my attention. It was peaceful to my soul to be in this place. I was thanking God for all the beauty and the ambience.

In the herb garden there were workers spreading mulch. The earthy smells reminded me how I enjoy a garden well cared for. I picked a sprig of lavender and put it to my tongue. I touched and smelled the chocolate mint, then a plant that smelled like peanut butter, and finally the sage, each fragrance crisp and familiar in the cool morning air. 

Suddenly, joy surged within me and tears filled my eyes. All my senses were awakened -- the chilly air yet warm sun, the bubbling waters, the glistening pools, brightly colored blooms, and now the zesty and aromatic herbs! "God, you are so good to me!" 

I sensed that He was near and happy I was delighting in these gardens. This was not a mistake at all... It was not random that I ended up here. It felt like a divine appointment to take the time to enjoy the beauty God is still creating every day!

It reminded me that He is faithful to guide us where He wants us to go. Long ago, He walked with His people in the garden -- and I now had a strong sense I was on holy ground as He was present with me in this one.

My eye caught the bench in the picture above. The tools resting on it signified a work in progress. Old plant life had been trimmed, uprooted and cleaned away to preserve the beauty and prepare for the next season. It gave me peace as I thought of God pruning and preparing me for whatever season would be next in my life. 

He is here, He is with me, and He has a beautiful plan... My part is to abide in Him, to trust Him, and to fully engage as I watch it unfold.

Thank God for everything

Our dad went to be with the Lord early morning on April 13. Here is an excerpt from the eulogy I gave at his celebration of life:

We kids have had a lot to learn about dementia. Over the last five years, we watched it take away Dad’s abilities, one at a time – like losing a small piece of who he was with each progressive stage.

There were good days and sad days, and a long season of Covid, when I didn’t get to set foot in his room for an entire year. Visits happened by speaking on a phone through closed doors and windows.

Eventually things opened and felt somewhat normal again. But then there were falls and more falls, and when a scan revealed a brain tumor last June, we signed him on to hospice for extra attention and care.

Throughout all the hard things, Dad kept a positive attitude and relied on his strong faith. He was always thanking those who helped him and telling us we had a lot to be thankful for – “Thank God for everything.” He frequently was seen making the sign of the cross and would often tell me and many of the caregivers, “You’re a good person.”

In January, we moved Dad to a smaller, 8-bed facility in a home-like setting, where he could get more consistent and focused care. This was the perfect decision as the health issues were increasing, he began sleeping more, and we sensed his time with us was winding down. I’m so thankful, even with his dementia, he always knew me.

I often wondered why God would allow such a cruel disease to steal away Dad’s livelihood, a little at a time. I’ve had lots of time to wonder about it, and just as it takes time for rivers to carve canyons from rock, wisdom takes time and pondering.

Obviously, life is not about strength, or power, or intelligence, or accomplishments. We can enjoy all these things in their season. But the best thing to be remembered by… is love. Love kept Dad persevering, staying patient, sacrificing for others, giving freely and generously.

When we give our love, God gives us more, in an abundance that never runs dry. In this slow, rock-carving way, God refines us to bring out the true hidden treasures in life, and in ways we might not expect. That’s why we can still trust Him – trust God in everything.

Dad never complained when he slowly lost out on so many of the things he loved to do. He got to a place of being fully dependent on others. Yet, his faith and trust in God was strong, and he still had loads of love to give.

His mind was confused, his eyesight failed, his body grew weak, but he continued to think about others and appreciate them: “You’re a good person. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for visiting. We have a lot to thank God for.”

So, that’s how we can all carry on his legacy. Never stop loving, forgiving, or giving. Always give thanks and be watching for God’s hand at work, no matter your situation. Remain hopeful. Always persevere. Be patient… Love with all you’ve got…always, love with all you’ve got.

In his last days, I saw how he had given this world everything he had left to give. He was withering away before our eyes. He had used up all his body – spent all his humanly resources – gave it all. As he might say, his body “didn’t owe him anything.”

Thank you, Dad, for laying the foundation we can all carry with us because we have loved you and been richly loved by you. We’ll carry your amazing love with us and give it freely to others, the way you always have.

And thank you, God, for giving us such an awe-inspiring example of a gentleman, husband, father, grandfather, and friend.


See related earlier post from July of 2019.

Blind Trust

My puppy is the sweetest thing, full of snuggles, love and kisses, and genuinely wants to please me. Zoey can already retrieve a full-size tennis ball in her tiny mouth and she hops like a baby goat chasing after it. So much joy! 

But, like any baby, there is crying at night. In fact, lots of it, as she tries to get used to sleeping alone in a crate. One of the best days of my life bringing home a new puppy was the most challenging in hers by being separated from her canine family to come live with me. 

I'm working to make her safe place as inviting as possible... even ordered the Amazon snuggle puppy with the heartbeat and heat pack... but it hasn't worked to comfort her. 

There is nothing more agonizing than hearing a puppy cry. She will need to learn to self-soothe and to realize that I will always come back to her with compassion and enthusiasm.

As I listen to the wailing and whining that breaks my heart, I think... If only she could know how I am still here even when she can't see me... how much I love her and how I have excitedly prepared for her... how I have a great life planned for her. I will love her and care for all her needs. I will protect and guide her and provide all kinds of opportunities for a rich and full life. I will be faithful in loving her because it is her loyal companionship I long for. If only she could trust me and know these things!

It suddenly dawned on me the parallels in this picture... that God is wanting the same kind of blind trust from me! As I sometimes whine or complain or worry about the unknowns, I remember how faithful He has always been to me. I know He has guided my life through hard things and given me so many good things along the way. I can trust that He is protecting me from harm, guiding me on right paths to bring out the best in my life. He has more wonderful plans for my future, even if I can't see them now. He forgives my flaws and never gives up on me. He longs for my close companionship and loyalty... that I would trust Him completely, rest in His promises, and abide in His love.

Now whenever Zoey cries about the temporary discomfort or the unknowns, I can be reminded of how God surrounds me with His love and is guiding me through the present uncertainties. As solid and loving as I can be for Zoey, God is so much more capable of loving and guiding me through the things that make me anxious.

Whenever I can put my full trust in Him, I can travel a path of peace through the unknowns.

God of all comfort, enable me to trust you the way I long to be trusted. Help me to abide in you through every uncertainty, knowing you are God and you know best. I give you my faithfulness and trust. Help me to travel well along your path of true peace.

See remaininhim.com for more stories and practical application of living our faith through the unexpected and the unknowns.

100x/day humility

"What's wrong with us, with our world today, is wrong 100 times a day. It's in ordinary life where we catch this or lose this." 

This is the writing of Thomas Howard (1935-2020), who also references George MacDonald (1824-1905), so you can see, it's been wrong a long time. 

But this message, meaningfully sculpted and masterfully delivered in a podcast (A Counter-Culture of Grace: James 4:1-12) by Dr. Tim Keller, has grabbed me and held on since I heard it a week ago. In fact, it's so good, I've listened to it several times. 

Howard explains there are two ways to live: "My life for yours" or "I am my own/my life for me." He says we have 100 opportunities every day to put others' needs first or to put our own needs first. He says the "My life for yours" principle is the only one on which any life at all is possible, and this is what builds strong and healthy community. I pray this for our divided community!

One of the best ways God teaches us humility is when we become parents. We have to lay down our lives for our children; we sacrifice sleep, convenience, freedoms -- all kinds of things because the baby now needs us. And this requires more from us through the years as they grow. This bond of love causes us to move from our self-focus to others-focus as we shape this new human to also be thoughtful of others.

But somewhere along the way we have become consumed with ourselves, what we need, what we want, how we're accepted, how we're coming across. We have been trained to look for social media affirmations. [These are my thoughts, because Keller crafted his message in 2010.]

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. "It's not being focused on yourself because inside you are supremely confident of your own worth and that God is taking care of the circumstances in your life," Keller says. "We replace this self-concentration with humility, kindness, graciousness, deference, forgiveness and courage."

Keller does a great job of illustrating how community is created, along with defining in detail the marks of spiritual pride that is a community killer. The way to create a harmonious, live-giving community is to grow in humility. He says we can have this growing humility "to the degree we know these two things: 1) the enormity of God's love for you, and 2) the upside-down principle that's at the heart of the universe (those who humble themselves will be exalted, those who exalt themselves will be humbled, etc.)."

"If you lay down your life for God, for other people, 100 times a day, die to your own power, your own control, you will get your life back forever, safe and sound." He says it's at the heart of the universe and the heart of history because it was modeled first of all by the Trinity. "From the beginning of time the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were glorifying each other, deferring, loving, honoring..."

"Then, in Jesus Christ, we see 'my life for yours,' the ultimate humbling -- He comes to earth, leaving His glory behind to model the way for us. He took the penalty that you and I deserve for saying 'I am my own/my life for me' -- what is that penalty? Cosmic loneliness! On the cross Jesus got that loneliness."

Now, because of what Jesus Christ has done, Keller draws on John 17, where Jesus prays for His disciples and then for all believers... "the Father loves us even as He loves the Son."

"How much does the Father love the Son? That's what you get. That's how God looks at you," he concludes.

Keller says if you try to draw near to God (James 4:6-8), even imperfectly, if you try to humble yourself imperfectly, if you try to resist the devil imperfectly, He gives more grace (v. 6) and He'll draw near to you (v. 8).

This makes so much sense to me, and I can see it better now after doing a media fast recently. I need this, I need more of this, I need to be transformed this way!

This small blog post barely scratches the surface of such an important message, so I hope you will listen to Keller's full podcast (link in title above). 

As James 4:10 says: Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up. 

Lord, I need to learn your upside-down principle from the inside out! Help me become more aware of those 100x/day opportunities. May we fully trust you to take care of the circumstances of life so we can follow your example of putting others before ourselves.

Traveling Well

After three years of pouring my soul onto the pages and rearranging, my hard work has finally emerged as a living book! 

Because traveling has been such a love in my life, I chose a traveling theme. The book starts off with a few travel tips and some fun travel stories, both with my sweetheart and since our last goodbye in 2013.

The theme then continues with traveling through the unexpected twists and turns in life -- because isn't "traveling well" a daily endeavor? We can remember that some of the most beautiful scenery is also the most rugged -- and it can be difficult to navigate those places. It is a challenging but beautiful truth that we grow the most when we are stretched the hardest.

The book is about rebuilding life after loss, facing more significant losses, navigating Dad's dementia, traveling through transitions -- when good things come to an end, traveling through pandemic -- when no one knows the way, and finally, traveling inside ourselves and finding inexplicable peace in walking with God, come what may. It is about growing faith through using it.

My son, Zach Westerman, created the beautiful cover with a shot he took when we visited the Cascades together in September. He used my handwriting as the script font. Please check out the gorgeous website he put together to help get the word out: remaininhim.com. Share it with others who need hope and inspiration through traveling a difficult road in life.

To God be the glory, because He brought me through some very scenic routes thus far, all the while showing His abundant, unfailing love. My hope is for you to experience His extravagant love in your life.

Mindless Media

In the new year, I have challenged myself to look at social media in a new way. 

I had become overly attached to connecting to the world through my digital devices. A good variety of work and events fill my every day, but in the idle moments I was grabbing my phone to check my feeds to see what I was missing. The photos, the feedback, the availability, and ease of use became addictive. Because I live alone, I would turn on the TV in the evening for company. After all, this is the way modern America lives, right?

As the year rolled to 2022, I told myself, "No more mindless media!" I realize these tools and technology have some very useful purposes, and I'm thankful for them, but they don't have to consume my life or make me a slave to them. 

The major difference now is that I will open an app or turn on the TV only if there is a specific purpose in it -- no more mindless scrolling or surfing to pass the time or feel connected. I have consciously cut my usage way back. For example, I don't touch my phone at mealtimes, when waiting in lines, at stoplights... or just because!

It's been nearly three weeks of working to change these habits, and I'm definitely feeling more peace and purpose. I have found so many more meaningful things to do, connected with several friends via phone or visits, and accomplished creative projects I'm happy about.

Faded memories have come back to the free spaces in my mind and I am reliving the gratefulness. I've strung together ideas that surprised me. I am enjoying being in the company of myself! It is like clearing clutter and being pleased with all the new space.

Best of all, I can better enjoy God's presence filling those spaces, by talking to Him in the idle moments, and asking His direction. The words I read in the Bible each morning can recirculate in the open spaces, and new priorities can form. Abiding in Him this way reminds me how I am being available to Him, transformed in His image, and seeking His approvals and affirmations (not the world's). It has been a good move for mind, soul, and spirit.

God, thank you for the gift of modern technology, but help me keep it in its proper place. Thank you for the new playground in my mind.

Ritu Ailani writes, "Mindless scrolling results from a subconscious state of living that lacks purpose and priority." Check out this article: 7 Ways to Cease Mindless Scrolling on Social Media, August 19, 2020.

Influence, with grace

Today I was reminded of the old parable of the blind men and the elephant. As the story goes, some blind men came upon an elephant, a creature they had never before encountered. Each began to describe the elephant from his own point of "view" -- what he felt and experienced. 

The man by the trunk said that an elephant must be like a snake. The man feeling its broad side said that it surely is more like a wall. The third man touched the tusk and thought it seemed like some sort of horn, instrument, or tool. Each thought the others were way off base in their thinking...

In reality, all had a piece of truth, but all were wrong, because no one had the whole truth.

That reminds me of today's world. Some feel very strongly one way and try to share so that everyone can understand. Others feel just as strongly another way, and emotions can run strong. Just as in the story, each of us is a bit right, and a bit wrong. Each of us could learn something from the others.

Collectively we can all contribute, if we share our influence with grace, if we leave room to learn more. But only God sees the BIG picture of how this whole season will shake out and what the answer is to move us forward. 

Lord, I pray we would humble ourselves and look to you for direction, strength, and perseverance. Your thoughts and your ways are so high above ours. I believe you have a plan to bring good out of this. Would you enable us to treat others with kindness and grace? Would you help us to seek your wisdom, to trust your timing, and be open to what you want to teach us?

[Picture is Blind Men Appraising an Elephant by Ohara Donshu, 19th century, public domain as seen in Brooklyn Museum.]