Drenched in His Love

In my head and in my heart I know I can trust God, but why do I sometimes still feel fear and anxiety?

I've had a few weeks of deep stress. I felt so out of my comfort zone with responsibilities that now are mine. My heart cried out to God day and night.

That sounds a lot like the Psalms, doesn't it? And, each day as I open the Psalms, I'm reminded that King David also experienced a lot of stress and anxiety, but that through every trial, he kept his focus on God's lovingkindness, His unfailing love. I too pray daily, "O Eternal, drench us with your endless love, even now as we wait for you." (Ps. 33:22 The Voice)

Of course, Jesus knew stress, too, and He knew waiting. The Bible says Jesus was troubled in spirit when He knew one of His disciples would betray Him. When He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, His soul was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." Clearly Jesus knew every emotion we could ever feel.

So, we may feel fear and anxiety, but we are not to dwell there. We are to abide in our great God, focusing on His unfailing love. Psalm 33 also says, "We live with hope in the Eternal. We wait for Him, for He is our divine help, our impenetrable shield. Our hearts erupt with joy in Him because we trust in His holy name." (Ps. 20-21)

I truly have moments where my heart erupts with joy as I see how God is answering my prayers. While I no longer have Ted and all the wonderful things we had together, God has sent amazingly thoughtful people to walk with me through this sometimes dark and foggy valley. Each beautiful person reaches out and meets a different need (listening, companionship, prayer, encouragement, physical help and expertise, confidence, comfort and love). Each one is an unmistakable representation of God's lovingkindness in my life.

It will take me a lifetime to pay forward all the beautiful kindnesses that people have blessed me with these last months. But what a good goal that is to have!

Walking through grief or other struggles of life can be heart-wrenching, to be sure. But God's amazing grace and unfailing love abound every single day, if we keep our senses tuned to recognizing it.

Lord, you are all powerful, all knowing and your love is truly endless. Thank you for drenching me in your love! May God richly bless every dear person who is blessing me and loving me so well.

New Leg of His Journey

He was a good man -- thoughtful, gracious and easy to be around. He was adventurous, creative, vibrant and fun. And now our dear friend is gone. His valiant battle with cancer is over.

It happened only days after the Women's Breakaway, where I had shared the details of how Ted and I had ridden a roller coaster of health issues last summer, hanging on for dear life. In the most frail of moments, we had clung to our faith and surrendered to God's bigger plan -- whatever that would be.

For Ted and I, things turned out far better than we anticipated. We found ourselves receiving amazing answers to prayer.

For our friend, this is not what we thought would happen. He was only 49.

Yet it begs me to answer once more, can I trust God to be God? Can I surrender again into the hands of a Loving Father who has a bigger plan that we can't see?

Again, it's time to dig in with my deepest roots that keep me strong. I call out to God, telling Him of all that boggles my mind and burdens my heart. I surrender and rest in Him because He is Author and Creator and the way the story will unfold is for Him to decide.

I devote time to reading God's Word and I preserve some quiet time to listen for His wisdom. I trust in Him for comfort and refreshing. My hope is in eternity where we will see our loved ones again and walk with God in a new world of splendor beyond human description.

And the Comforter comes near, once again. My mind opens a bit wider to let in more Light. The Holy Spirit brings peace into the most perplexing situations; Love shows up in our darkest hour; and Hope appears in the midst of our emotional pain.

Our friend will live on in the hearts of all who had the blessing of knowing him. While we will miss him deeply, he has inspired us to live with that same courage, humility and grace that he and his sweet wife have so beautifully demonstrated.

Now he has gone on to a new leg of his journey. As Christ-followers, we don't grieve like those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13-14 NIV). Our earthly lives are only a small segment of the journey -- a temporary separation -- in the face of forever.

Heavenly Father, great is your love toward us; your faithfulness endures forever. (Ps. 117:2 NIV) You are omniscient, and you have the greater good in mind, always. We will fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:18 NIV)