Bursting with Potential

God has given gifts to each of us, waiting to be fanned into flame. It takes effort on our part, and it's key to stay connected to Him to bear fruit.

I believe God looks at each one of us like this bursting milkweed pod. We are filled with potential, and every seed that makes its way to fertile ground can bear fruit. Staying connected to Him brings the nourishment for those seeds.

Abiding in Him is keeping that margin of time, even in the busiest of seasons, to read from His Word, to listen for the way He is speaking into my life. I never want to miss those sweet words!

In 2009 I felt the Holy Spirit impress upon me that I needed to share my thoughts on journaling at the next Women's Breakaway. Public speaker, me? No way! But after I said yes I became very excited and passionate about it! He called and then He equipped.

I never would have imagined that now, seven years later, I will be at the Breakaway again -- sharing my story and the book that I have written! Praise God, this is an incredible dream come true for me. I have always, always wanted to write a book.

I want to give all the glory, honor and praise to God for all He has done. He has brought me here! Click the tab above for more information about my book, Life, Love and Loss.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me a passion and a purpose and giving me everything I've needed as I trusted you step by step. 

Is there something God has been prompting you to do but you have been afraid? I know the feeling, but I'm so glad I trusted God and did the next thing. What unmet potential is living inside of you?

Stepping into a lifelong dream

As I listen for God’s direction in my life, He often stretches me to a point it is not comfortable, but He knows it is for my good.

This happened to me in 2009. As I sat in an audience in Chilton, WI, I felt the prompting to offer myself as a speaker for the next year’s event. Whoa. Me? No way. I’m happy doing the behind-the-scenes work and being able to edit before I make things public. But I sensed a persistence that wasn’t my own, so I knew I was answering the Holy Spirit. As soon as I made the commitment, I felt such peace. (I’ve found that the feelings often come after.)

Then, for several months, I excitedly prepared for that engagement, gleaning all the best I could share with the audience and distilling it down to the right size again. Gleaning and distilling, gleaning and distilling. I lived and breathed for that upcoming presentation. I think I was so excited because it was something I knew I needed to do. Not of my own making, but something God wanted me to do.

Flash forward and I have now done that for several years. And, guess what? That same process of gleaning and distilling is what I recently used to write a book. Yes! I have wanted to almost all my life! God was preparing me and giving me practice and I didn't even know it. By taking that step of obedience then, I was one step closer to accomplishing a lifelong dream.

After Ted went to be with the Lord on May 2, 2013, my unfinished business of writing a book was calling to me. I did the hard work of grief for several months, then I started on the book in June 2014. I made myself a goal of writing at least 50 words a day, every day, so that I could work it into my already-full schedule. They were baby steps, but I was consistently inching forward.

Now, 21 months later, I am thrilled to have a manuscript that will soon become a book! How can I even express how excited and fulfilled I am to be in this place? In the process of writing and learning what to do next, God gave me purpose and brought healing. I began the project weeping and completed it rejoicing!

There have been (and still are) many steps along the way that are intimidating. I have never done this. It’s exciting and scary at the same time, and many excuses and doubts have crossed my mind. But I put aside those fears and step out in faith.

As I look back, I see how God has provided everything I’ve needed, exactly when I’ve needed it. (In fact, that's what the book is about.) Many wonderful people have shared their knowledge and encouraged me along the way. By following Him, one baby step and then another, I’m abiding on the Vine, and He is bringing a huge project to fruition.

I will once again be speaking at the Women’s Breakaway, on April 9, and hope to have the printed books in hand. Zach Westerman (my son) designed the cover.


Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear God! ... for knowing I needed a push, and for knowing everything I've needed along the way. It’s a tremendous blessing to step into a lifelong dream.

Do you have a baby step you know you need to take? 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Trusted Consultant

After working diligently on writing the book that has been on my heart, I have been exploring the completely new-to-me (exciting, but daunting) next steps of committing this project to print. I've consulted publishers in Nashville, TN, and Lynchburg, VA; talked with authors near and far, and networked with others who have published their projects.

This morning a revelation came to me from 2 Kings 1. King Ahaziah sent messengers to a far off land to consult another god with an important question regarding his future. But on the way, the messengers were intercepted by the word of God through the prophet Elijah, asking,

"Is it because there is no god in Israel that you are going off to consult this far off god?"

The repetition (3x) in the chapter reinforced the message for me. God, I want to be sure that I am seeking you first -- not looking to any other source or opinion, near or far!

The consulting and networking have not been wasted, of course, because I'm continually learning new things. But I realize that the "expert" is not always from out of town, as we so often are inclined to believe.

I realized, too, I have long seen my "worth" through the lenses of others -- first my family, then others significant in my life, and now I have been seeing myself through the eyes of "experts" who have critiqued my work. I have likely placed too high of value on others' affirmations to take these important steps, rather than trusting myself and relying on my inner voice.

But my worth, value, and the perspective that ultimately matters is from GOD! I am made in His image and He is the Expert on my life. Through abiding in Him, I draw on that expertise!

His is the opinion that matters high above any others. I need to trust God and take the next step in faith. I am His beloved and He will guide me. He has put brilliant resources all around me and is opening my eyes to seeing the provisions and gifts that are near -- not somewhere far off.

His expertise is within me and I can hear it when I take the time to listen.


Loving Father, you're a good, good Father, and I am loved by you. You will finish the good work you have begun. You will counsel me and show me the way to go. Thank you, Lord. Your love and provisions are all around.

What question in your life should you be bringing to God for His wisdom, rather than seeking a distant opinion?

Very Truly Yours

Daily, I ponder what it means to abide in Jesus. I think through being connected to Him with all my thoughts and pursuits, so that I can stay on the path He has for me. God created me and He knows how I operate best. He gave me specific gifts; He planned my potential. If I stick with Him, I’ll be on that plan.

But I am much more than a puppet on a string. Oh yes, I have the freedom to try to do it all myself, my own way! However, I am limited when I am on my own and there is no satisfaction in self-indulgent ways. I feel much more complete when I am others-focused. I need others and, most of all, I need Jesus. A branch cannot bear fruit if it is disconnected from the Vine, and neither will I if I am not connected to Him. (John 15:4)

It is in being connected to that Magnificent Vine, trusting Him for my nourishment and direction that I can thrive and flourish. 

So, instead of being compelled by what the world wants, I am guided by heavenly wisdom. Instead of a driving competition for my own success, I stay focused, do what He asks, encourage others along the way, and let God open the doors. Instead of trusting in my own accomplishments or my bank account to provide my worth and happiness, I am trusting in my Lord to give me what I need, as I need it. And He is faithful.

So, the more of myself I can surrender, the more of me that is in His hands to work with. God is my loving Father, who planned my potential. Why wouldn’t I want to stay close and watch His plan unfold?

Lord, today I want to be fully yours – very truly yours – surrendered to you in a way that you do the work YOU want to accomplish. Let your glory unfold in the world around me.

Abiding in Abundance

I haven't blogged here since March, but I haven't given it up! I've (very happily) begun blogging for my church, sometimes revisiting things I've already posted here.

Mostly, my reason for silence on this site has been that I am immersed in a new endeavor... I have always and forever wanted to write a book, and I'm believing the time is now to get it written!

My theme (possibly title) is "Abiding in Abundance." It is about learning to abide in Jesus, trust in Him at the deepest levels through everything life throws at me. It is about the never-changing, never-failing love He lavishes on us through all circumstances, and how He provides just what we need at exactly the time we need it. (I have many personal examples that I would love to share.)

I will share how God gave me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for when he laced Ted's life together with mine. Now, a year after losing my sweet husband to cancer, I'm writing about the tremendous blessing and divine provision he has been in my life. I have the richest memories to last a lifetime.

We had wonderful companionship, adventure, mystery and romance. Our marriage was founded on our faith, enriched by attentiveness, grace, sacrifice and obedience. We embraced each others' children, blending our families quite successfully and enjoying the uniqueness of every one. By keeping a margin in our lives to listen and respond to God's guidance, we grew together and persevered through struggles, especially navigating Ted's illness. (He had cancer for 12 years.)

My life with Ted was abundantly full of joy, gratitude and adventure. But my life didn't end when his did, so I know God has a purpose for me here. As I lean on Him in the healing process and explore "where do I go from here," I'm writing of God's wonderful provisions I still see on a daily basis, through the valley and out the other side.

Through it all, I see how God has been teaching me I can be joyful while I wait in faith for long-offered prayers to be answered. I can be joyful in the wait to be reunited with Ted someday in Heaven.

Because Jesus came that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)

Lord, every precious and perfect gift comes from you. (James 1: 17) Allow me to share our story in a way that inspires and nurtures others in their faith and relationships. Would you bless my writing and enable me to devote the time to attention it needs? Guide me to its completion -- whenever that will be -- but in your perfect timing, in Jesus' name. Amen

Drenched in His Love

In my head and in my heart I know I can trust God, but why do I sometimes still feel fear and anxiety?

I've had a few weeks of deep stress. I felt so out of my comfort zone with responsibilities that now are mine. My heart cried out to God day and night.

That sounds a lot like the Psalms, doesn't it? And, each day as I open the Psalms, I'm reminded that King David also experienced a lot of stress and anxiety, but that through every trial, he kept his focus on God's lovingkindness, His unfailing love. I too pray daily, "O Eternal, drench us with your endless love, even now as we wait for you." (Ps. 33:22 The Voice)

Of course, Jesus knew stress, too, and He knew waiting. The Bible says Jesus was troubled in spirit when He knew one of His disciples would betray Him. When He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, His soul was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." Clearly Jesus knew every emotion we could ever feel.

So, we may feel fear and anxiety, but we are not to dwell there. We are to abide in our great God, focusing on His unfailing love. Psalm 33 also says, "We live with hope in the Eternal. We wait for Him, for He is our divine help, our impenetrable shield. Our hearts erupt with joy in Him because we trust in His holy name." (Ps. 20-21)

I truly have moments where my heart erupts with joy as I see how God is answering my prayers. While I no longer have Ted and all the wonderful things we had together, God has sent amazingly thoughtful people to walk with me through this sometimes dark and foggy valley. Each beautiful person reaches out and meets a different need (listening, companionship, prayer, encouragement, physical help and expertise, confidence, comfort and love). Each one is an unmistakable representation of God's lovingkindness in my life.

It will take me a lifetime to pay forward all the beautiful kindnesses that people have blessed me with these last months. But what a good goal that is to have!

Walking through grief or other struggles of life can be heart-wrenching, to be sure. But God's amazing grace and unfailing love abound every single day, if we keep our senses tuned to recognizing it.

Lord, you are all powerful, all knowing and your love is truly endless. Thank you for drenching me in your love! May God richly bless every dear person who is blessing me and loving me so well.

Walking by Faith

My heart is broken and so much of the fun, the flavor and the fizzle in my life is gone. Even with great people around me, this lost and empty feeling is here with me every day. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to draw in breath. I wonder how I can ever feel okay again...

But I know it's early and the pain is still so raw. And I know the One who heals. I know where my hope and my help comes from (Ps. 121). With all the courage I can find, I put one foot in front of the other and walk by faith. Faith is not a feeling, it is an act of obedience. God is good and I'm sticking as close to Him as I can.

These words fit so well from The Hurt and the Healer, by Mercy Me:

So, here I am
what's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering...

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the Healer collide

Breathe
sometimes I feel its all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through...


Dear Lord, I realize you have equipped me for this time. You have taught me so many ways to see what it's like to abide in you, to look to you for my every need -- physical, emotional, spiritual. You have given me sweet training in surrender. I will practice what you've been teaching me. I will walk by faith.

Finding Rest

I got a bit nervous with my long to-do list.

Of course, I had many offers of help (and accepted help from several), but many of the details in the wake of Ted's passing needed my personal attention. I plunged ahead into new territory, taking the responsibility, wanting to do a good job.

Running at a breakneck speed, I thought if I got things done faster I would feel better sooner. Details paraded through my head day and night. My mind would not shut off and I was getting very little rest. No matter what I got done, there was still plenty more to do as I tried diligently to whittle down that overwhelming list. Of course, the list wasn't getting any shorter because as I crossed things off, I added what was coming next on the horizon...

Yesterday, God spoke to me through another woman's blog. She described how the turbulent details of her life had her "sprinting," yet their life was going to be more like a marathon. Like Kathryn, I realized I have to pace myself. I can't keep this up forever. I can't be two people, accomplishing all we did together as a couple, when I am just one now.

I thought of something Ted told me several months ago when I was heavily burdened. He encouraged me to think of a visual that would help me transfer my burden to the Lord (as we are instructed in Matt. 11:28-30). We came up with the idea of a backpack, in which I would stuff all my work and worry. I would then lay it down at Jesus' feet, watch Him pick it up, sling it on His back and carry it. Then I would walk alongside Him as He carried my burden.

Now I am replaying this new picture of abiding (and sweet memory of Ted's wise advice) as often as necessary -- whenever I feel the stress of "doing" taking over. In the middle of my to-do list, I took a break and sat on the deck and closed my eyes. Allowing more space in my life helps me to more easily hear God shaping my perspective to get the right things done, instead of trying to do it all.

A rested soul makes a great deal of difference. My perspective has changed; my burden is lighter.


Lord, I give you my "backpack" to carry and I want your rest for my soul. As you've impressed upon me many times before, I will once again... Be still. Do less. Be more. (See post from March 2011.)

One Set of Footprints

My dear husband left this earth three weeks ago. Where once all our adventures were together, today I walk the beach alone and there are only one set of footprints.

I hear the pounding surf, see the scurrying sandpipers and feel the cool sand squishing between my toes. While my heart and soul aches to have him back, I know my Love is still with me in my spirit. I smile remembering fragments of wonderful conversations we've had...

Each frothy wave brings up new trinkets of the sea and washes away the imperfections in the sand, refreshing the shoreline. As I pick up tiny treasures polished smooth and delivered ashore by the powerful waves, I know that our loving God is at work in me, slowly polishing, healing and refreshing me, too.

His are the one set of footprints, as the legend goes. The Lord carries me now, in this time of great loss. He gives me my daily bread. He fills each need as I abide in Him.

Lord, I know that you will never leave me or forget me. Your love wraps around me and endures forever. Thank you for all your glorious goodness.

Abiding Hits 100th Post

Woo-hoo! A new milestone, and I'm happy to be still blogging!

When I starting "Abiding," I wanted to record and share the "aha's" God blessed me with in my reflections, to hone my practice of writing, and to dialog with others who, like me, are learning daily what it means to surrender and be obedient in walking with the Lord through whatever life gives.

As I re-read my reflections, I see God's loving guidance preparing me for what I'm walking through today. I "connect the dots" on how He's orchestrating good things. Best of all, in blogging as in journaling, I have a record so that I don't forget all the wonderful insights He's revealed to me!

These are some of the posts that received the most attention (number of readers):

Joyful in the Wait (188) July 4, 2012. I'm impressed by a man who heard earth-shattering news and still he stood in awe of God, trusting Him to bring about His just and good plan. Even while all he saw was doom and gloom, he walked by faith and was joyful in the wait!

Wrapped in His Love (76) June 28, 2011. We were between a rock and a hard place with the choices we faced when Ted was in intensive care with a serious lung condition. But, despite the great trauma, we felt absolutely wrapped in God's love. 

A Whole New Level of Abiding (58) July 2, 2011. I sat helpless in the darkened room with only the hum and hiss of the machines and the constant activity outside Ted's room in ICU. That night I wrestled desperately to find that perfect peace again. 

Blessings for Obedience (53) March 27, 2011. On a road trip to Arkansas, I was amazed at all God promised His people if they would listen and obey. It's a great reminder and exciting to think about how He beats incredible odds!

The Aroma of Christ (43) January 16, 2011. Deadlines, expectations and other distractions had me believing I was accomplishing important work. But our real work is spreading the aroma of Christ.

Thank you God, for your unmistakable guidance and love through all of life. Teach me, each day, to more fully abide in you and walk by faith.

Reflecting on His Goodness

A reflection of trees in the water where Ted and I went canoeing recently.

Many times lately, I awaken in the night and sleep eludes me. "God, you know this situation is beyond our control." (Friends, insert your own area of concern here.) 

Sometimes I feel like the only one who has ever been through this particular set of circumstances (though I know that is not true). My mind is working, working, working through possible scenarios as I try to fix things myself. But, of course, I am inadequate and powerless to change things.

That's OK, because I know the One who can! I turn my thoughts back to Him...

Nothing is too difficult for you, Lord. Your arm is not too short. You are all powerful. You can make a way when there seems to be no way. All things are possible. My hope is in you. Your grace is sufficient. You give me all I need for today. When I am weak, you are strong. 

In those sleepless moments, I choose to reflect on the goodness of God instead of the depth of my concern. I needn't worry about tomorrow because God can do all kinds of things -- when it is time.

I realize, gracious God, that wisdom and strength don’t come in great “chunks” bestowed upon me, but by walking with you and abiding in you, through it all. You give me daily “manna” as I stay near, surrendering all, trusting and listening for guidance each step of the way.

Keeping Our Eyes on Him

A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root...(Matt. 13:3-9 NIV)

Sometimes my path seems full of rocks, but the roots I've sent down deep will keep me from withering.

After Ted's cancer treatment in September, it should have been complete. But his white cells are increasing and his energy is decreasing again. He will have a CT scan tomorrow to help determine what's going on. As I watch my weary husband, I call out to my God who is my Hope.

I remember all He has already done for us. Abiding is walking in step with Him, knowing He's in control and is orchestrating what is best. Our part is waiting, trusting and keeping our eyes on Him, not on the rocks in the road.

Thank you, God, for growing our faith, making it real, for being with us every step of the way.

Deeper Roots, Abundant Waters

(Click the image to enlarge.)

While on our wild ride last summer, Ted and I learned to trust God in a much deeper way and to realize the richness of His love can carry us, no matter what we may be facing in life. Surrendered in those darkest hours, we found ourselves infused with grace, bathed in God's beauty and wrapped in His love.

Yesterday, I was privileged to share our story at the Women's Breakaway in Chilton. I used the tree image as a handout to summarize how we need to strengthen our all-important roots. Each of the roots plays an integral part in stabilizing the tree to weather the storms of life.

After both presentations, several women shared with me their stories of strength through adversity or told me this message was exactly what they needed to hear. One woman told me through great tears of joy that she had come to know the truly indescribable peace that passes all understanding amid a hardship in her life.

My friend Barb noted how this immediately opened the way for these women to connect on a deeper level -- it normally takes much longer to develop that level of intimacy. "God loves relationship," she said.

See how important it is for each of us to share with others what God has done in our lives? Whether it be one-on-one or in a group, these stories encourage and strengthen our faith and give God glory. We all face circumstances requiring strength beyond our own.

We can't do it ourselves -- we need Him. As we stretch our roots deep into God's ever-flowing streams of refreshment, we practice (practice, practice) abiding in Him. There is nothing in this world that can compare to the refreshment we find there. It is always, always there -- in abundance! If we remain in Him, we can bear much fruit.

I closed the presentation with the profound words from a card David and Debbie brought up to the hospital last summer:

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree's leaves away,
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around.

The weary wind gave up and spoke,
"How can you still be standing, Oak?"
The oak tree said, "I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.

Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure.
But now I've found, with thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew."


Dear Father, thank you for your bountiful love and amazing strength. Help us to stretch our roots deep into the abundant waters you so freely give to all who put their hope in you.


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Finding Refreshment

We felt like we had missed the summer -- after spending half of it in hospitals and doctors' offices -- but it's amazing how the Lord has been refreshing us ever since Ted went off oxygen at the end of August.

It began with sailing on the bay with some good friends. Then, we had bonfires, we camped -- in a tent -- on a gorgeous weekend; we went canoeing -- not just once, but a few times! We took a road trip, driving 1500 miles (round trip) to the AACC conference, which totally rejuvenated us. On top of all that, our October was made up of the most beautiful, mild and colorful autumn days, allowing us to do some light hiking in the U.P., a little gardening, woodcutting, raking and other projects together.

On Friday, we once again held a Bible study with some treasured friends in our home. For each one of these things, I rejoice that the Lord has "given us our lives back." These are all things we hadn't been able to do earlier -- and for a time, I thought we'd never be able to do them together again! Ted is truly a walking miracle and I can never look at him the same. I can never thank God enough for what He has done in our lives.

When I spoke at a women's conference in February, little did I know that their theme verse for the weekend would become a lifeline for me through the seasons to follow:

The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. ( Isaiah 58:11 NIV)

What a great reminder it has been that the Lord is the Source of our true refreshing! Abiding and staying connected to Him is the only way we can be refreshed to the core of our beings. When the going got tough, I had to send down deeper roots. But He is always there, ready to refresh. All I have to do is reach for Him.


Gracious God, thank you for the deep refreshing that only you can give. You know all our needs. You continue to give as we continue to stretch our hands out to the Source. Dear Lord, please help everyone who reads this find true and full refreshing in you. 

Bursting with Joy

We were filled-to-overflowing on our way back from the AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors) conference in Nashville the last week of September. Ted and I have been attending the world conference, held every two years, and it is always so amazing.

There's so much passion and power, wisdom and godliness. Many of the speakers were well-known authors – Ortberg, Strobel, Crabb, McDowell, and many more. (I have added many book titles to my to-read list!)

Before and after the speakers, we'd sing together the most beautiful worship music, led by Christian artists. Imagine nearly 7,000 voices raised together...("We bless you Lord, God of the ages; highest of all, we magnify you, your name will be exalted, exalted...").

After the sessions, we'd leave the large conference rooms and spill out into the atrium streaming with natural light. The Opryland Hotel is the perfect location, with its rich and tropical atrium – palm trees towering, fountains flowing, fragrant orchids blooming, and walkways meandering through a lush and green paradise.

It is an experience that involves all the senses. It feels as if we were allowed to visit heaven for a few days and now need to come back to earth to finish some work.

I realized I've had the opportunity of abiding – for days. It was like sitting at the feet of Jesus for teaching, soaking up His love, feeling the joys of the beautiful things He loves and yet feeling the pain of the injustices that hurt the heart of God. It was a beautiful time of recharging and refocusing on what's important.

Now we are bursting at the seams with more love and joy than we can contain – nor were we meant to keep it all for ourselves.

Lord, "You make known to me the path of life, you fill me with joy in Your presence..." (Psalm 16:11 NIV). And now, dear God, help us spread your love to all, to help a hurting world.

How Lovely is Your Dwelling Place

One sweet morning Psalm 84 became my refreshment. "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!" (v. 1)

How good it is to hang out with God. How good it is to draw near and feel His presence. It gives us joy and we feel secure. We praise Him and we realize how blessed we are and we just want more of Him. It's a beautiful picture of abiding.

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you..." (v. 5) When we trust in the Lord, He renews our strength. We are refreshed by coming to Him -- consciously and deliberately abiding in Him.

The footnote in my Bible mentioned this psalm was used while on a pilgrimage to worship the Lord. It explained,"The joyful expectations of the pilgrims transform the difficult ways into places of refreshment..." and "they experience anew the bountiful hand of God."

How true that has been through these last difficult months! Many times I have crawled into the shelter of His wings to abide in Him and draw my strength from Him. On the day before one of Ted's difficult surgeries when we found ourselves "between a rock and a hard place," I knew God was up to something. Despite the dim prognosis from the doctors, I had a sweet peace and joyful expectations of what God could and would do.

Through the long turbulent weeks that followed, I clung to God's promises. We were encouraged by visits from praying friends and sporatic improvements in Ted's condition, and we found ourselves living "from strength to strength" (v. 7).

But I began to wonder what God would require. Not everyone who asks receives healing. God may have other plans for us. Would we ever have a bonfire again, or camp together or go out in the canoe? I hated to give that up, but I knew I had to lay it down. Wherever you lead us Lord, we'll be faithful in following.

Imagine my amazement after my surrender. The bountiful hand of God has been at work and I am thrilled to report that Ted has been off oxygen for two weeks now! Only a few days after "unplugging" the oxygen, we had our first blazing bonfire. Last weekend, we camped in a tent, thoroughly enjoying the music of the woods -- like it was our first time.

Today, my spirit soared as we glided across a pond in our canoe! With the sun on our backs, I looked deep into the gleaming water at all the life sustained within. The beautiful underwater plant life, tiny snails, lily pads attracting dragonflies and honey bees -- all great illustrations of abiding. I was ever so thankful as I reflected on how God knows all our needs and our wants and He is such a great provider!

Oh God, how great you are! You do not withhold any good thing! (v. 11) As the last days of summer are fleeting, you have extended this season of our lives and we find our refreshment doing the things we love -- together. O Lord Almighty, blessed are those who trust in you! (v. 12)

A Whole New Level of Abiding

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Is. 41:10 NIV)

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. (Is. 26:3-4 NIV)

These are some of the scriptures I'm clinging to while facing the unknown.

What we thought was Ted's cancer morphing to another form appears not to be the case. The next step was to go back into surgery to sample some lung tissue after all. (This was the surgery that was avoided on Sunday.)

So, on Wednesday afternoon, back into surgery he went. The early examination of the samples identified a serious lung condition with any number of causes. Determining the cause will help pinpoint the treatment, but the process is long and tedious, with labs now being sent to Mayo Clinic.

After surgery Ted was again on a breathing machine and would be on it at least overnight. He was heavily sedated to keep him comfortable. I sat helpless in the darkened room with only the hum and hiss of the machines and the constant activity outside his room in ICU.

While I had rested in perfect peace just a few days before, that night I wrestled desperately to find that peace again. I realized God was taking me to a whole new level of abiding.

I had relied so heavily on Ted when making important decisions; now he was unable to communicate. I had relied on the doctors to find the cause and fix it; now even they were dealing with uncertainties. I had felt relief knowing what it was on Sunday; now all that had changed. I had leaned on our family and friends for prayers and support -- and while all that has been wonderful, there is no substitute for fully relying on God. There are times we are so alone and the ONLY answer is God.

"God, I am so lost, but help me remain in you. You are my Source of all I really need. Give me your perfect peace again. Strengthen me for the road ahead and give me your wisdom. Give the doctors your wisdom," I pleaded...

A few have reminded me of the words of a beautiful song by Scott Krippayne that fit so well at this time:

"Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child..."

While the wind and waves were wild that night, with the morning came a strength and, once again, a sense of indescribable peace. A peace that only He can give. A peace we can only receive as we look to Him for all our needs.

Lord, I don't even know all my needs, but You do. There are so many unknowns on all our paths. But I will trust in you, abide in you. I will rest in your comfort and draw my strength from you.

True Refreshing

On Friday, I was getting a little frazzled as I worked to pull a newsletter together under deadline. As editor, there was lots to be done... e-mails were flying, phones were ringing and there was a flurry of activity around me. This is what I love to do, but there were many details pulling me in many directions and I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was also eagerly anticipating speaking at a women's retreat that would begin after work. The theme of the weekend would be how God refreshes us like a well-watered garden in a sun-scorched land (Isaiah 58:11). I realized that if I were going to share a message of refreshment with the ladies, I needed to be authentic and recognize when I needed refreshing!

I hadn't even taken a break, so I slipped away to a conference room to get some quiet time and get my head together. I spent a few minutes surrendering to the Lord and listening for His wisdom. The focus of my talk was to encourage women to take a consistent quiet time with the Lord, to practice abiding in Him, to look to Him for wisdom, nourishment and refreshment, and to journal to remember what the Lord has done. I reviewed my notes and soon it was time to return to work. I felt a new peace and was glad I had made the time to go to Him for refreshing.

When I came back, my day certainly turned around. I was told about a raise I would be receiving...what timing! But the best was yet to come...

I went to retrieve a particular graphic from the iStock photos website. I logged in and punched in the 7-digit number of a specific roadsign graphic I needed for the newsletter. For a split second, I saw the graphic I was retrieving, but then the screen mysteriously redirected to another page...

The new screen was full of graphics and I marveled as I saw what they were... a girl washing at a faucet, raindrops gently falling, waterfalls, streams and more waterfalls, a video of a water droplet, more streams, a gushing spout, fresh tulips in the rain and … a bloom abiding on a vine!! I was exhilirated with each new treasure as I hovered my mouse to enlarge each photo or play each video one by one.

I have no idea how all these exciting graphics came back when the number I entered should have brought back only the one that was not-so-exciting. There was nothing in the search box. It wasn't until later that I noticed the keyword in the upper left said simply "source."

I saved a screenshot of how God blew me away with His display of love. He is the SOURCE of our REFRESHMENT. Be encouraged, all who read this. Go to Him for refreshment as often as you need it and know that He knows exactly what you need!

Oh Gracious God, my heart is so grateful for all You have done and continue to do. Let me never again ignore what You are so willing to give.

Abiding is One Year Old!

I am amazed as I reflect on this last year's journey with the Lord. Since the 4th grade, I have loved writing, but I had never found that "chunk of time" to sit down and write a book. But as every important journey begins with a single step, God began showing me how to take that first step.

Last September after attending the AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors) World Conference with my husband, I was so inspired that I launched this blog the day after my return. Blogging would enable me to share as I write, and to publish immediately! 

As God amazes us, we pass it on to others. He has given each of us gifts to be developed and used for His glory and He says we shouldn't hide our light under a bowl (Matt. 5:15). It was fun to realize I don't have to feel guilty when I can't get everything else done – because using His gifts is a higher priority than many of those things I thought were so important!

When I launched Abiding, I made a goal to write a post a week – and though I fell a little behind, I see that I have made much more progress than sitting back and waiting for that "chunk of time." He has stretched me and encouraged me and I'm having so much fun!

Blogging also appeals to me because it is interactive. As I listen to the Lord and share what I learn, I also want to hear from you in the comments section. Can you relate? Are you, too, striving to abide in Him daily? What does that mean to you? Let's encourage one another and take that walk together! 

When you read what I write, I hope you'll feel free to jump in the conversation. Share your thoughts, questions, wisdom and insights. I've been following some experienced bloggers – two of my favorites are Lysa TerKeurst (Proverbs 31 Women) and Jennie Allen (Untangling God and Ponytails); click on their names to check out their blogs and see how both have a wonderful way of seeing God's hand at work and engaging readers in conversation.

If you are reading this via e-mail (only a handful of you), I would encourage you to join in by taking the link directly to Abiding so you can comment and also read what others have written.

So... what is your next step to an important goal or dream?
 

Dear God, I pray your blessing over each one reading this blog. Thank you for the amazing way You lead us. Thank you for this wonderful way to connect with kindred souls all around.

Join in the conversation. How has God been amazing you and growing you this past year? How has He encouraged you?

Our Journey Begins, Again

Three days ago, my husband began chemo treatments again. It came upon us quickly. I saw him wrestle three sleepless nights, trying to find comfort in any position -- bed, couch or recliner. He spent more time wandering than sleeping. And with no rest, he wasn't his jovial self. He barely had energy to talk or smile.

Thank God that the cancer (CLL) is a slow-growing type. Yet we were hoping not to be here again so soon, having just completed treatments in March of '09. This time, the doctor wants to approach it more aggressively to keep the cancer at bay a bit longer.

So our journey begins, again. We trust our doctor and his treatment plan, but more importantly, we trust God and all that He is doing in our lives. We press in to God, hold on tight and learn a new way of abiding in Him. He is all we need. We take things one day at a time and make the most of life every day. Isn't that the way we should always be living? Every day I have thanked God for this wonderful man, who is my best friend and the greatest blessing in my life. Now is my turn to be there for him.

Really, we're in no different place than many of you. We all have great needs to trust to Our Loving Father. We all have times we feel we are standing at the edge of a cliff, but lovingly invited to walk in faith. We don't know what's on the path ahead, but we can trust Him to walk it with us, direct us, guide our steps and provide what we need, in any situation. He must become greater, we must become less (John 3:30 NIV). We must trust more in His agenda than our own.

Whatever uncharted territory you are facing today, whether it be health-related, financial, relational or other...I pray that you would use this to allow God to become greater in your life.

Lord God, may Your strength be with each one calling out to You today. Thank you, Father, for You have blessed us with wonderful and supportive family and friends -- another sweet example of how You provide what we need. 

Give the doctors and health professionals wisdom and finesse tomorrow. May your peace and presence be with Ted. Give him a good tolerance for the surgical procedure and a brand new drug.

Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers. What can we pray about for you?