Abiding in Abundance

I haven't blogged here since March, but I haven't given it up! I've (very happily) begun blogging for my church, sometimes revisiting things I've already posted here.

Mostly, my reason for silence on this site has been that I am immersed in a new endeavor... I have always and forever wanted to write a book, and I'm believing the time is now to get it written!

My theme (possibly title) is "Abiding in Abundance." It is about learning to abide in Jesus, trust in Him at the deepest levels through everything life throws at me. It is about the never-changing, never-failing love He lavishes on us through all circumstances, and how He provides just what we need at exactly the time we need it. (I have many personal examples that I would love to share.)

I will share how God gave me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for when he laced Ted's life together with mine. Now, a year after losing my sweet husband to cancer, I'm writing about the tremendous blessing and divine provision he has been in my life. I have the richest memories to last a lifetime.

We had wonderful companionship, adventure, mystery and romance. Our marriage was founded on our faith, enriched by attentiveness, grace, sacrifice and obedience. We embraced each others' children, blending our families quite successfully and enjoying the uniqueness of every one. By keeping a margin in our lives to listen and respond to God's guidance, we grew together and persevered through struggles, especially navigating Ted's illness. (He had cancer for 12 years.)

My life with Ted was abundantly full of joy, gratitude and adventure. But my life didn't end when his did, so I know God has a purpose for me here. As I lean on Him in the healing process and explore "where do I go from here," I'm writing of God's wonderful provisions I still see on a daily basis, through the valley and out the other side.

Through it all, I see how God has been teaching me I can be joyful while I wait in faith for long-offered prayers to be answered. I can be joyful in the wait to be reunited with Ted someday in Heaven.

Because Jesus came that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)

Lord, every precious and perfect gift comes from you. (James 1: 17) Allow me to share our story in a way that inspires and nurtures others in their faith and relationships. Would you bless my writing and enable me to devote the time to attention it needs? Guide me to its completion -- whenever that will be -- but in your perfect timing, in Jesus' name. Amen

10 Sweet Ways to Say "I Love You"



Attentiveness is one of the things that make a great marriage, don't you think? Some of these are so simple you may have forgotten how powerful they are.

1. Ask. Are you warm? cold? tired? hungry? Do you need anything while I'm up? These are questions that say I care. When I'm perplexed or distressed, my favorite question from Ted is, "What do you need from me?"
2. Listen carefully and with full attention. Don't multi-task when you have an important conversation going on. Whatever it is, it can wait.
3. Eye contact. Once in awhile Ted will let me babble on for paragraphs without any acknowledgement. When I look up to see if he's listening, he smiles as if he were waiting the whole time to look in my eyes. (oops!)
4. Smile. I love to see the same sweet grin I saw when we were dating, and I'm sure he does, too!
5. Primp. Some women touch up their makeup or their hair just before hubby comes home so that they always look their best. Sometimes I keep my dress clothes on from work until he gets home because I know he likes that. But looking good is not all on the outside...
6. Attitude. What kind of attitude do you wear? Are you focusing on the positives or always finding something that's not quite right?
7. Greet. Stop what you are doing and make it a priority to greet him when he returns. Tell him you are happy to see him and to be with him.
8. Always kiss goodnight. (It's such good advice, they made a plaque with those words!)
9. Gratitude. Watch for the good things and communicate your appreciation.
10. Don't guess. What makes you feel loved? What makes him feel loved? It's not a bad idea to have this conversation!

This was another part of the marriage seminar I gave recently. Let's keep the conversation going. What would you add to this list? What are your best tips on being attentive to your love?

Dear God, thank you for this wonderful man that you gave me. I sure love him. Help me never to take him for granted. Fill me and refuel me and help me to love him well.

More Delight. Less Division.

"Love More Delightful Than Wine" was the name of the marriage enrichment seminar I shared yesterday at the Women's Breakaway. (I named it after the deep, committed, passionate love portrayed in the book of Song of Solomon.) I have a passion for helping women make the most of their marriages. I want to see couples find more delight and less division. Let's take just a few tiny sips of that wine today...

A great way to find more delight is to have a "teachable spirit." Are you always ready to learn more?

With all the negative forces around us, I think we need to be sharing encouragement with one another, building strong marriages and keeping delight flourishing. Let me share a few things I've learned, and then I'd love to hear from you, too!

It's not about me. Look around you and see how solid marriages are built up with selfless behavior and others are torn down with self-centered behavior. I have been blessed with a wonderful example watching my mom and dad serve each other and look out for one another's best interests (married 57 happy years and counting). Conversely, haven't we all seen marriages stagger under the weight of "it's all about me" thinking?

Listen to his heart. Remember how you hung on each other's every word when you were dating? Everything he said was important and you replayed the details in your mind when you were away from each other. Let's strive to listen like that again! Listen for the heart, and not necessarily the words chosen. Don't read more into it than what's there; don't run on ahead. Believe that your partner is on your side.

Don't put him in God's place. My husband is wonderful, but he's not God! He can't be everything for me or fix everything for me. I need to be bringing those needs to God. I've found that when I put God first in my life, everything else has a way of coming into the right focus. (Besides, my husband could some day be taken from me, but nothing can ever take God away!)

Gracious God, you've given us the example of perfect love -- it's sacrificial, unconditional, lavish and extraordinary. And it's for eternity. Let us bask in your love today. Please teach us how to love!

There's so much more, but I'll save it for another day. Please feel free to share your words of wisdom on any of the above. What makes your marriage great?

Making the Climb Together

Last summer, Ted and I had a wonderful time hiking Logan Pass -- 6,646 ft. above sea level, along the Continental Divide in Glacier National Park, Montana. Or should I say, I had a more wonderful time than he did...

You'd never guess it was July 8th, because there was snow all the way up the 1.5-mile steady incline to the overlook of the still-frozen Hidden Lake -- sometimes soft, deep, unstable snow, like walking on the beach in thick sand, but also slippery at times. (Two are better than one... if either of them falls down, one can help the other up! Eccl:4-9-10)

We took longer than most to reach the summit, but it was an exhilirating hike and the views were spectacular tromping around in the "Crown of the Continent." What I didn't know then was my dear husband had pain with every step... but he conquered the hike because he knew I was looking forward to it so much. (He went on to have hip surgery in November.) What a man!

This is just one of many beautiful things in our marriage. With not a grumble, he suffered in silence to do something he didn't want me to give up. I love his sense of adventure in wanting to provide these opportunities for me. My confidence has grown with his love and encouragement every day. It's a love more delightful than wine. It inspires me to watch for more opportunities to love, honor and support him, too. It urges me to share our blessings to help others embrace what we have found.

I'll be sharing some of what I believe makes a marriage great in a breakout session at the Women's Breakway on April 9. Is it romance, mystery and adventure? Sacrifice, companionship, attentiveness, grace? Indeed, it is all these things as we seek to live the extravagant love our Father has modeled for us. We're going to celebrate the blessings of marriage with practical wisdom, personal stories and scriptural examples.

I love when I hear people in praise of their marriages, don't you? Isn't it encouraging to hear sweet things instead of only what went wrong? I suspect many couples could be a lot happier than they are. Let's not take our relationships for granted -- every great union needs nurturing. What do you do to keep your marriage on solid ground? We can help model the way for others to keep marriages nurtured, encouraged, God-centered, healthy and strong!

Father, we know that You designed marriage and called it good. A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Eccl. 4:12). Teach us how to follow your example of unfailing love and lavish grace.

How do you nurture your marriage? What is the best advice you could give another woman wanting to keep her marriage strong?

Love First

A work friend got married yesterday. The sun was shining and more than a foot of snow was hanging in the trees from our mid-week storm. Pine and holly adorned the church and she was a beautiful bride in her elegant white gown accented with dazzling red trim. The sparkles in her long train matched the stars in their young eyes.

The minister gave a thoughtful message. As was his practice during pre-marital counseling, he had asked, "Why do you want to get married?" The answer, as always, was "Because we love each other."

His followup question is, "Why do you love each other?" With this, he says, he gets different answers, but most couples talk about how wonderful the other makes them feel.

He told them what they are describing is "being loved," and yes, it is a great blessing to be loved and to know it. "But to love is quite different than being loved," he distinguished...

Being loved is only half the equation. (And not the half we need to worry about.)

To love is to put the other person before yourself. To love is to help your partner to be the best they can be. To love is to think of their needs and to think of what it means to make them feel loved always, through everything. Love often means sacrifice.

If more would remember these words, more marriages would be solid, more children would live in secure homes... What a great reminder to everyone who attends a wedding. We are there to support and encourage the new Mr. and Mrs. to make their marriage the best it can be. And in the midst of it all, we remember what it means for us to keep the sacred vows we made.

The world wants to tell us life is "all about me" and "getting what I need." If we listen long enough, we start to believe it. But Christ gave us a very different example. "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19 NIV

He loved us when we were unlovable. Sometimes we are still "unlovable," yet how great it is that He still loves us. If only we would love the way Christ loves His Church. We are to love first!

"Give and it will be given to you... a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:38 NIV.

Dear God, thank you for the marriage of our friends. And I thank you for a wonderful marriage. I pray for all our friends' marriages to be solid and strong. Would you please help us to love the way you love? the way you intended love to be? Help us to remember to serve our partners always and help them to be the best they can be. Help us to love first and love well. Thank you for your awesome example of real love.