An invitation to go deeper

Today, missing Ted and needing Jesus, I did an inductive study first thing this morning. Rather than reading a chapter from the Bible, sometimes I concentrate on just a verse or a few. I will make as many observations as I can to extract the truths and better understand what I'm reading. Ted used to remind me to do this before ever consulting any notes or commentary to allow the Holy Spirit to speak directly to me.

Here's an example:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28 NIV

Come – there is action required;

To me -- not just coming forward, but coming to Him.

All – Jesus is not speaking to only a few people.

You – personalized and specific. The reference to “you” and “me” means He wants relationship.

Who are – He is addressing those in a present state, going on now.

Weary – sounds more than a little tired. (Know the feeling?)

And burdened – carrying a load, something heavy maybe, something difficult.

And – the great connecting conjunction… and what? It will connect to or result in something.

I will – it's a sure thing with Jesus; He doesn't say I might.

Give you – not sell to me, not withhold from me, it's a gift with no other terms.

Rest – not money, not just words of encouragement, but the ideal solution for the circumstance. Who better to know what is the ideal solution? And it’s given freely when I come to Him.

We could continue:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Take – I must be willing to receive.

My – Jesus gives something of Himself.

Yoke – To read from Merriam-Webster added dimension for me. A yoke balances the load.

Upon you -- Jesus wants to be yoked with me so that we can carry the burden together. Being yoked to Jesus through whatever comes is abiding in Him.

And learn from me – If He is the one with the ideal solution, there is a great deal I can learn from Him. Better than having someone “fix” things for me is having someone come alongside as I learn to make improvements.

For I am gentle – as I am yoked with Jesus, I learn about Him. He doesn’t force or threaten, He invites me. I can observe and apply at my pace.

And humble in heart – again Merriam-Webster helps me see it is because He is thinking of me. His actions are coming from the heart. He loves me and wants what is best for me. 

You will find – my action of coming to Jesus means I will discover something that is there waiting for me.

Rest for your souls – an ideal solution not only for my body and mind, but my soul as well. Now that is complete!

For my yoke – Jesus’ structure – could that be as simple as carving time in my day to sit with Him in prayer, reading and reflecting?

Is easy – free from trouble, worry or pain.

And my burden – the burden is still there, but it...

Is light – not heavy, not stressful. I can handle that!

Now I can reread my notes and reflect on the whole. (After doing this on my own, I can really enhance my experience by sharing my findings with a study partner or in a small group.)

What is Jesus, by way of the Holy Spirit, trying to tell me today about God's love?

Lord, I pray that you would help me come to you consistently, regularly and faithfully, with all of my burdens. Let me receive the ideal solutions you want to give. As I learn from you, I will be growing as someone who can better help others who need your rest. Thank you for your loving invitation.

See also: Finding Rest, June 2013, where I reminisced about Ted helping me apply this passage.

Choosing to Walk by Faith

Inevitably, something comes into my life that wants to draw every spare moment of my attention -- a concern that grows, a problem that consumes, a situation that overwhelms. “Oh God, I’m in WAY over my head,” I say.

The temptation is to want to fix it -- and fix it quickly -- to have peace and order again. So I roll it around and around in my brain, thinking of how I can resolve this issue and restore my life to its former comfort level. In reality, I’m reinforcing the negative as I stress over figuring it out.

I recognize this is an opportunity for the enemy to say, “You need to focus on this. This could go wrong or that could be coming down the road and you need to stay ahead of it. Be ready. It could get worse.”

All the while God is saying, “You’re not alone. I am with you always. I would never leave you or forget you. I have everything under control. Just look to me. This is not YOUR project, but an opportunity to let ME work through you. I am orchestrating everything together for good. Watch and see. I will provide what you need at the very time you need it. Keep your eyes on me.”

So, despite the emotions that sometimes get in my way, I choose to walk by faith, even in the shades of gray, in the waiting time when I don’t know how things will turn out. That’s what faith is after all -- trusting God implicitly, knowing that He knows best and His timing is best.

My job is to keep my attention focused on Him, listening for His direction on what my role is, and then being courageous and obedient in following the last thing I heard Him impress upon me. This is abiding in Jesus. It is where I need to be and where I need to stay. It is where I will bear fruit.

“I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see…”

Thank you, dear Lord, for your ever-present goodness, for your wisdom and sovereignty. There is nothing too difficult for you. Greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world. I have everything I need when I abide in you.

For more encouragement, listen to “Walk by Faith” by Jeremy Camp and “He is Greater” by Mercy Me.

Gone From Here, But Still Near

Valentine's Day would have been our 10-year wedding anniversary. The day I married the love of my life was a sunny Saturday with lots of snow on the ground, much like today (okay, not this much snow!). It will always be my favorite Valentine's Day for obvious reasons. But I had a very good one this year, too.

As a grieving person will tell you, it's important to prepare for these big days. Each day for the past several weeks, I have been thinking a lot about Valentine's Day and how I could prepare to celebrate in a way that didn't "surprise me" too much.

Though I received other sweet offers and many calls of encouragement, I made some low-key plans with a dear friend who lost her soulmate the year before. We spent the day doing some of the adventurous outdoor things Ted and Jeff would have done. We visited the frozen beach in Algoma, enjoyed the full moon guiding us home, and tried to imagine all that our men would be doing in the great world beyond this life.

We truly felt God's unfailing love envelop us in the way the day unfolded. 

How much more I have been learning to abide and marvel at the way God provides the sweetest details in the most remarkable ways. His love is so wonderful and there is joy in life again. 

Ted and I have a long distance relationship now, but he is present and I can live in his love, much like I've experienced living in God's love. I tried to imagine Ted's words encouraging me:

My Love,
You know I am near you on this day of all days, my bride, my forever love.

You're doing a great job and I am so proud of you. I knew you were smart and capable. I knew you could do it.

It wouldn't have been my choice to leave you. Why, I wanted to bring you along with me -- like on all our greatest adventures! Oh, I wish you could see and experience what I am seeing and experiencing now.

Enchanting...Glorious...Magnificent...Ethereal...Transcendent... No, all that and more! There are no words adequate to describe the infinite design, wisdom and beauty of the galaxies and the heavens!

You would not believe what God has in store for those who love Him. Imagine all the most beautiful places we've seen together and roll them into one...and, Babe, you ain't seen nothing yet.

You were such a blessing to me and I am so pleased to see all that you are now taking on. You are growing so much. I know there are still some "advanced" climbs necessary -- some rocky terrain -- but don't be discouraged. Our Lord is with you and I'm with you, and it's well worth the trip!

I love you so much and I'll be waiting for you so we can spend eternity together in the PRESENCE OF OUR GREAT GOD. Oh, what a glorious day that will be!

Til then...
My deepest love,
Ted

Heavenly Father, thank you for your unfailing love and your generous gifts lavished on me. Thank you for the wonderful man you gave me. You make it possible for me to feel "complete," even with such a huge part of my life gone from here. Thank you for the promise of eternity.

Looking Back, Moving Ahead

It's been a difficult year, but God's unfailing love is sweet as I am learning to abide more fully. Here are a few highlights of what I've learned in 2013 to help me live better in 2014:

• To abide more fully in the Lord. My most desperate times (Ted's weeks in ICU, then learning to live without him) caused me to cling to the Lord, looking fully to Him for whatever would come next, especially when I had no clue how things would turn out. Clearly, that it is the Lord's intention for our lives, each day and every day and I will focus on continuing to live that way.
• To grasp God's grace. I'm letting go of things I worried needlessly over in the past. Grasping God's grace is realizing He has the whole world in His hands, the very best in mind for each one of us, and He's orchestrating the ultimate, beautiful plan for everything here and into eternity. There are things I can't comprehend, but when I rest in His grace, I know that whatever happens, I am still in the palm of His loving hand.
• To be a truer friend (daughter, sister, mother, grandmother). Family and friends have never meant so much as when walking with me through the gullies of grief this past year. Relationships have been deepened and strengthened by the experience shared. I have deep gratitude for those who have shone their light into my life in so many extraordinary ways, wrapping me in compassion. I will strive to pay this compassion forward in everything I do.
• To use my gifts and not squander them. Forsaking other distractions in life, I will pursue the activities that give God the most glory. God created each of us with unique gifts, and if they are not nurtured and shared, not only do we miss out, but others around us do, too. When I use my gifts, I feel His pleasure -- and God intended it that way! Why wait until everything else on the to-do list is accomplished? -- this is what I've been created to do!
• I won't sweat the small stuff. And most of it is small in relation to life, death and eternity. Does every detail have to be perfect? Does everything have to "fall in place" before we act on something? Probably not. Ted and I had very little grumbling in our relationship, but if I could do it over, there is NOTHING worth grumbling about! I want to love well the people God has put in my life.
• To live my influence. Where God placed me in life is a divine appointment. What He has poured into me is meant to be shared for the good of others around me. That may mean telling my story or listening to another's, passionately pursuing or patiently persevering, encouraging or correcting, lavishing love or sacrificing. Life on earth is short. There is meaningful work to be done. Jesus is coming back for us soon.

What will you pursue in 2014?

Persevering Through the Valley

The valleys were deep again this week as I do the painful yet necessary work of grief. Having Ted in my life was such a huge and wonderful blessing, so it is going to be a mountain of work to reshape a life without him.

You only get perseverance from what you persevere through.

I know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance and we need to let it finish its work so that we are not lacking anything. So, I remember that even now, though I can't always see or feel it, God is in the middle of a good work. That's His nature. He drenches us in His unfailing love and He works all things together for good for those who love Him. It encourages me to persevere with Him.

With so much to do and much more on the horizon, I started believing that the harder and faster I work, the sooner I can simplify my life. But, I realized that this strategy has put many things in motion that have complicated my life rather than bringing the simplicity I so desire.

This week, in the middle of a big valley, my grief counselor suggested I take a six-week "vacation" from thinking about the rentals and just let things unfold. That way I can focus on the holidays and be more free to enjoy the moments with family and friends, and to take care of myself. I love that idea and the "permission" she gave me to do that.

After all, God is in control anyway, so it really is surrendering to Him and not trying to do it all myself. Wait a minute... when did I revert to thinking it was up to me? God has been so very faithful in showing me that when I abide, He provides. I have many, many examples of Him providing daily manna in my life. My part is to focus on today and to just walk with Him.

Even when things seem long, dark or bleak, His great grace finds me. We always have HOPE in the Lord Our God! According to C.S. Lewis, "If we can praise and worship Him in the midst of trouble, pain or loss, that is what pleases Him the most."

So, Lord, I'm breathing in your grace, and breathing out your praise... I'm breathing in your grace, and breathing out your praise.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, still I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior (Hab. 3:17-18). All praise to our great God!

A More Magnificent Plan

Many of my prayers are still awaiting an answer. How about yours?

Some days my heart aches, longing to see these issues resolved. They are situations far out of my control -- there is no other way but for God to step in. So I call on Him...and wait. Sometimes the waiting is so long. It can be difficult and painful.

The "unknowns" loom out there, and we wish for resolution. My mind could wander down the path of "what ifs," but I call it back and tell it to focus on God and His goodness.

I know God is all good from the countless hours I've spent with Him, listening for His voice amid all the distractions. He has Heaven and Earth in His hands, including my prayer requests and yours. There may be days when we don't see much happening -- but things are not always as they appear.

Remember Good Friday... what appeared to be the most awful day of all turned out to be the most beautiful redemptive grace of God in action! What appeared to represent death and loss turned out to be glorious life and gain!

Another example is the life of Joseph whose brothers sold him to slavery. Later, Potipher's wife had him wrongfully imprisoned. Things appeared quite hopeless, but Joseph kept his eyes on God. And God brought great good for a whole nation out of what others intended as harm. (Genesis 50:19-21)

It can be that way with our prayers, too. What appears to be a hopeless situation, is not at all. Our heartfelt burdens can be the very reason we draw close to God, learning to more fully abide in Him and depend wholly on His grace. God loves to have His children close and to provide for all the needs of His faithful. From the throne of Heaven, He sees all and knows what's best. His plan is more magnificent than the immediate solutions we can see and hope for. What seems like forever for us to suffer in a situation is more like five seconds in God's time. He is at work changing hearts and orchestrating details into place for the more elegant tapestry yet to be revealed. 

Yes, we can have joy while we are waiting -- by keeping our eyes on Him and putting all our faith in Him -- no matter how long the wait.

Awesome God, continue to teach us what it is to walk in joyous faith, remembering the awe of who you are and what you are doing behind the scenes. I humbly bring you my requests, but I bow to your more magnificent plan.

Inspired by an earlier post, on April 20 I will be speaking on "Joyful in the Wait" as a breakout session at the Women's Breakaway in Chilton.

Unpolished

A silver cup, unpolished.

I don't know about you, but I like things neat and tidy... I like my bed made, my socks matched, my bathroom clean and my stove top wiped off. I work as an editor, so all day long I am crossing t's, dotting i's, carefully choosing the right action verbs and tightening up phrases. I like solutions to problems, paid bills and loose ends tied up. I love order.

Right now, my life is anything but that!

My life feels disheveled, with many concerns. My heart is torn in many different directions with people I want to be there for. My time is small and my to-do list is large. My hands are raised, with many unanswered prayers.

Standing in the midst of it all, it can feel overwhelming. I certainly feel unpolished and inadequate.

As I was driving home from work one day, I was casting all my cares on the Lord. At the very moment I was telling Him I feel "not enough," my words synced up with a song on the radio..."I've told myself you're not enough..."

I began to pay attention to the words: "You're the One who conquers giants, you're the One who calls out kings, you shut the mouths of lions, you tell the dead to breathe. You're the One who walks through fire, you take the orphan's hand, you are the One Messiah, you are I AM."

What a powerful and perfectly timed reminder that while I am not enough, He is! He is ALWAYS enough. He is all powerful. He sees all, knows all and is in charge of all. He is our refuge and strength... our counselor, comforter, redeemer, friend. We were never meant to do it all alone, apart from Him. We are to abide in Him and He in us.

Hallelujah, He lives in Me!

Again, I realize that exactly because I am unpolished, inadequate or not enough, that's exactly why I need Him...

...in every messy area of my life.

Thank you, God, for walking among us, living with us and sending your Spirit to abide in us forever.

On Being Still...

A thoughtful gift from my sister.

In a season of many distractions and much to do, I continue to reflect on "being still." I'm trying to let Psalm 46:10 melt into me, once again.

What does it mean to you? As a way of seeking to "soak it in," I'd love to have you comment below and share your reflections, too:

1. To cease striving.
2. To appreciate the quiet.
3. To reflect on the Reason for the Season.
4. To abide in Him and He in me.
5. To empty myself and let Him fill me.
6. To realize that nothing I have to do today is more important than this!
7. To let go of control and expectations.
8. To receive from Him what He so wants to give.
   

A Well-Manicured Life?

Yesterday was quite productive. We mowed the lawn and caught up on yard work, did some weeding, tilling and planting of daffodils. I vacuumed and washed our floors, washed our sheets and hung them in the fresh breeze to dry. I cleaned and cooked fresh vegetables, baked some rhubarb bars and attended to numerous details around the house.

It was satisfying to look back on all that had been accomplished. But, then I looked at all that is yet to be done. There are so many things that still beg my attention. Where do I begin? What is the best use of these few precious weekend hours?

As I sat in church this morning, I reflected on the work I expended so much time and energy accomplishing. It was satisfying and useful, but none of it is long-lasting. It will all have to be done again. The grass will grow, the weeds will too, the floors will get dirty and we will need to eat again.

So, I pondered, what is the best use of my time today? There is much more to be maintained, because God has been so good. We want to steward all He has given us. Especially the relationships He has blessed us with. We do not want to neglect a single one.

Just as I started to feel overwhelmed with the possibilities (or should I say responsibilities?), peace entered my mind as I realized the BEST use of my time is to surrender and give myself fully to Him, to stop trying to DO so much and to focus on BEing instead. To look to Him for my fulfillment -- because it is not found in any of these other things. I am to abide in Him and draw my refreshment, strength and direction from Him, to grow in His grace and live in His love.

Gracious Lord, I lift my eyes, once again, to you. I refocus on what's important -- giving control of every area of my life to you. I give you the gift of myself. Do with it what you desire of me.

Wrapped in His Love

After a whirlwind week, Ted and I feel wrapped in God's love. Maybe I should say "rapt" in His love!

Saturday, in the Intensive Care Unit we were given heavy news. Ted's condition had baffled the good doctors and we were given three suspected scenarios of what might be causing the rapid decline in his respiratory system. Treatment for one might conflict with the other diagnoses, making things worse, so guessing would not be an option. The best way to know what is going on would be an open lung biopsy. But because Ted's oxygenation was so low, they feared he would never come off the breathing machine after surgery. This would mean being fed through a tube, and communicating by writing notes, no talking. Maybe for the rest of his life. This was what they prepared us for...

"We're between a rock and a hard place," one doctor said. "You're right on the cusp and we may have to make the decision for you. We can't afford to wait much longer." A second opinion from another doctor concurred.

We looked at each other, overwhelmed. Then we prayed.

"God, you know everything going on inside. We need Your direction. We surrender this to you, because it's way beyond us to figure out. As always, we want to abide in You."

Our pastor and his wife (our friends) were here within minutes to pray with us. Then a steady stream of others shared their wisdom and prayers through visits, emails, voicemails and texts. Another thoughtful doctor from our church stopped in (during his vacation) and share his insights.

A peace was growing as we saw one direction clearly taking shape -- we consented to the surgery.

We talked with each of our kids regarding the surgery that was scheduled for the morning. Each was sobered by the risks involved. Alyssa asked, "How does he feel about all this?" I handed Ted the phone for a few words.

"I have a peace about it." he said.

"How can you have peace with all this ahead of you?" she asked.

He softly said, "It comes from a lifetime of walking with the Lord, being in relationship with Him. I know He is with me every step of the way. He's going with me in the operating room and He knows all. I have nothing to fear."

We truly felt the love of God surround us. The peace that passes all understanding came to us.

The surgery came out far better than we had anticipated. They were able to do a less invasive surgery and get an adequate sample of a cancerous lymph node. Less cutting equals faster healing. Just knowing what it was brought some relief. That was the first hurdle cleared. 

The second one was cleared about an hour later when the breathing tube was successfully taken out!! Praise God. We are still hearing Ted's sweet voice and enjoying his smile.

Today, Tuesday, we are still awaiting the pathology results so that a treatment can be determined. Meanwhile, with other medical (and supernatural) interventions, his condition has improved enough to move out of ICU to another floor.

We still feel that incredible peace. Despite facing great darkness, it was a sweet weekend. We absolutely felt bathed in the beauty of the Lord. Wrapped in His love, we have nothing to fear.

Thank you, God, for being our Rock, our Shelter, our Peace!

A Fresh Perspective

With vacations in peak season, we have a wonderful (and, for some, rare) opportunity to "get away from it all." How can we think "outside the box" when we are living in cubes and offices so many of our waking hours?

Last Monday, I returned to work after a week of thinking "outside the state" (traveled in four states) and even "outside the country" (traveled four Canadian provinces). And if the jagged and majestic mountains of Montana don't clear the cobwebs, what will?

It took a few days to stop thinking about the usual details, but when I did, my mind was free to see what's beyond my realm, and to dream of what could be.

Whenever I get away, I notice the creative juices start flowing again. (Does that happen to you, too?) I don't know where it all comes from sometimes. I make new goals and I become eager to put my ideas into action. I see colors more vividly and even my dreams are much more fun!

Getting away helps me gain a new perspective of what life is like beyond my normal scope. Seeing the beauty of God's creation reminds me of how He has every intricate detail under control -- always did, always will! And what a peace that gives me. I remind myself to just stay close, stay connected, to abide in Him and be part of His big plan.

So as our vacation came to a close, with a fresh perspective I began thinking of the responsibilities awaiting me "inside the boxes." I have new energy to approach the challenges, new ideas to implement.


O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! (Psalm 8:9 NIV)



Photo: Jackson Glacier, Glacier National Park, Montana

We Don't Mourn

...like those who have no hope. (1 Thes. 4:13)

This was a key line in an incredible book I've just read. It cracked open the door of my soul a bit wider than ever before, and stretched me in a new way.

In 2002, I was fascinated by a story on a radio program as I drove a short distance to a meeting. It was the voice of a missionary sharing her extraordinary experiences in a prison camp. Though her Bible had been taken away, she recalled scripture learned as a young girl and sang hymns to keep her sanity. In her heart she knew God was saying, "My grace is sufficient." Her faith was incredibly strong under horrible circumstances. God answered her prayers with such abundance.

The fragment of her story that I heard has truly inspired me these past eight years. To my delight, a few weeks ago I was finally able to identify the author and the book: Darlene Deibler Rose and Evidence Not Seen.

The rest of her story was equally gripping and I devoured it in less than a week. The book chronicles about eight years, from a young married woman excited about starting their mission work (the first white woman to enter the interior of New Guinea), to a young widow returning to the states in borrowed clothes, weathered by the experiences of the last four years in captivity in a WWII Japanese prison camp. Death was all around her, yet she didn't lose hope. She lost basically everything, yet she gained so much more. Her faith and courage shone more brightly than ever before -- a model and an inspiration for so many. What grace and love she showered into the lives around her.

I wept as I eagerly turned the pages. I thanked God for this dear young woman and all she endured. If she never would have written this book, her miraculous story would have died with her. For me, it is a glimpse of truly abiding in the goodness and grace of our Lord through any circumstance. No one would ever wish for that suffering, yet what a sweet walk with her Savior she found!

"Would you go anywhere with me, no matter what the cost?" was the call on her life she had answered as a young girl.

"I have no regrets," Darlene said. "It was a way to know God in a deeper way. He was always there."

See the Darlene Deibler Rose Web site (watch the short video), or see the 77-minute video on You Tube, recorded in her later years.

Loving Father, let us remember that You walk with us through every trial, giving us the strength we need, if we keep our eyes on You. We don't mourn or suffer like those who have no hope. You are our Hope in every situation.