Finding Rest

I got a bit nervous with my long to-do list.

Of course, I had many offers of help (and accepted help from several), but many of the details in the wake of Ted's passing needed my personal attention. I plunged ahead into new territory, taking the responsibility, wanting to do a good job.

Running at a breakneck speed, I thought if I got things done faster I would feel better sooner. Details paraded through my head day and night. My mind would not shut off and I was getting very little rest. No matter what I got done, there was still plenty more to do as I tried diligently to whittle down that overwhelming list. Of course, the list wasn't getting any shorter because as I crossed things off, I added what was coming next on the horizon...

Yesterday, God spoke to me through another woman's blog. She described how the turbulent details of her life had her "sprinting," yet their life was going to be more like a marathon. Like Kathryn, I realized I have to pace myself. I can't keep this up forever. I can't be two people, accomplishing all we did together as a couple, when I am just one now.

I thought of something Ted told me several months ago when I was heavily burdened. He encouraged me to think of a visual that would help me transfer my burden to the Lord (as we are instructed in Matt. 11:28-30). We came up with the idea of a backpack, in which I would stuff all my work and worry. I would then lay it down at Jesus' feet, watch Him pick it up, sling it on His back and carry it. Then I would walk alongside Him as He carried my burden.

Now I am replaying this new picture of abiding (and sweet memory of Ted's wise advice) as often as necessary -- whenever I feel the stress of "doing" taking over. In the middle of my to-do list, I took a break and sat on the deck and closed my eyes. Allowing more space in my life helps me to more easily hear God shaping my perspective to get the right things done, instead of trying to do it all.

A rested soul makes a great deal of difference. My perspective has changed; my burden is lighter.


Lord, I give you my "backpack" to carry and I want your rest for my soul. As you've impressed upon me many times before, I will once again... Be still. Do less. Be more. (See post from March 2011.)

10 Ways He Said "I Love You"

Ten years ago today, my sweetheart proposed to me on the top of Casa Loma in Toronto. Our time together was short, but we loved each other well. Now he has gone on to be with the Lord, and I want to share just 10 of the many ways he showed his love for me in the "daily stuff":

1. He always had a bright smile to greet me when he opened his eyes in the morning. He made engaging eye contact that told me he loved me.
2. He'd make me coffee and breakfast each weekday morning, since his day started later than mine. He liked making homemade "egg mc muffins" or making that small plate colorful with fruit slices.
3. When I got dressed for my work day, he always made some positive comment about how I looked or what I was wearing. He loved variety.
4. As he’d walk me out to the car, he'd talk about whatever plans we had for the evening, referring to them as dates (baseball dates, hockey dates, bible study dates…).
5. He always opened the door for me – car doors and the doors to buildings. Our friends would tease him, “Ted, you’re making me look bad.” Once in the grocery store parking lot, a man commented from his truck, “Hey dude. It’s great to see that chivalry is not dead!”
6. He'd often phone once during the day, and count the hours till we would be together again. He would linger on the goodbyes, telling me sweet things when he hung up the phone. Sometimes it would embarrass me because my peers at work were listening. How silly of me was that?
7. He'd fill up my car with gas, whenever it got low. I never had to think about it.
8. When thanking God for the evening meal, he’d also thank Him for bringing us back together safely.
9. As he watched the nightly news (or a favorite hockey team), he’d tell me to come and sit close by him. He really enjoyed the side-by-side time... and so did I.
10. If he wanted to stay up late to watch sports, he’d come and pray with me as I went to bed, and tuck me in -- and always kiss me goodnight.

Was this fairy tale real? Oh yes! He was a sweet man who actually did all these things – on a regular basis – and a whole lot more. What a gem I had. I will love him forever.

Thank you, God, for the wonderful man you gave me and the time we had together. He reflected your love and grace and helped me know you more.

See also:  10 Sweet Ways to Say “I Love You” (May 2011)

  

Spirit Lead Me...

After a great period of living on the mountaintops, I now find myself walking through a deep valley. I have wonderful memories, precious family and terrific friends, but missing Ted has left such a huge hole in my life there are times I can't imagine ever being whole again.

As I wade through tedious to-do's, I am exasperated that seemingly simple transactions can become so difficult as I am sent through endless strings of automated attendants and people who can't help me. Then the details of my days burst into my consciousness at night and steal my sleep. 

But as I lay awake, I call on my Lord. A beautiful song (Oceans: Where Feet May Fail) I heard in church a few weeks ago drifts through my mind to soothe me:

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I realize this is a period of making my faith stronger, making me more effective for my Lord. I am called to trust Him without borders -- wherever He leads me. Just as I have been learning all along, I must keep my eyes on Him, not on the waves.

Gracious Lord, you have given me many reminders that you are near. Your grace abounds in these deep waters. You will be my husband now and I look to you to fill that great hole in my heart. 

One Set of Footprints

My dear husband left this earth three weeks ago. Where once all our adventures were together, today I walk the beach alone and there are only one set of footprints.

I hear the pounding surf, see the scurrying sandpipers and feel the cool sand squishing between my toes. While my heart and soul aches to have him back, I know my Love is still with me in my spirit. I smile remembering fragments of wonderful conversations we've had...

Each frothy wave brings up new trinkets of the sea and washes away the imperfections in the sand, refreshing the shoreline. As I pick up tiny treasures polished smooth and delivered ashore by the powerful waves, I know that our loving God is at work in me, slowly polishing, healing and refreshing me, too.

His are the one set of footprints, as the legend goes. The Lord carries me now, in this time of great loss. He gives me my daily bread. He fills each need as I abide in Him.

Lord, I know that you will never leave me or forget me. Your love wraps around me and endures forever. Thank you for all your glorious goodness.

Abiding, Like Never Before

With my sweet husband in the ICU for the last two weeks, I'm learning to ABIDE like never before...

A is for Abandon – a surrendering of one’s power; to give up control or influence; a thorough yielding. Lord, as much as I long to have things my way, I know Yours is ultimately better.

B is for Bask – to lie in or expose oneself to a pleasant warmth or atmosphere; to take pleasure or derive enjoyment; delight in the Lord. I soak up Your Goodness, Lord. I remember all the kindness and compassion You have shown me.

I is to be Intentional – eager attention; having the mind, attention or will concentrated on some end or purpose; focused determination. I lift my eyes up to the Lord, where my help comes from.

D is to Dwell – to remain for a time; to live as a resident; to keep the attention directed. I will remember the things You have told me. I will camp here in the shadow of Your wings.

E is to Endure – to continue in the same state; to remain firm under suffering or misfortune without giving up, drawing my strength from the Lord. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.


Lord, Abiding in You brings strength. There is no place I'd rather be.

A More Magnificent Plan

Many of my prayers are still awaiting an answer. How about yours?

Some days my heart aches, longing to see these issues resolved. They are situations far out of my control -- there is no other way but for God to step in. So I call on Him...and wait. Sometimes the waiting is so long. It can be difficult and painful.

The "unknowns" loom out there, and we wish for resolution. My mind could wander down the path of "what ifs," but I call it back and tell it to focus on God and His goodness.

I know God is all good from the countless hours I've spent with Him, listening for His voice amid all the distractions. He has Heaven and Earth in His hands, including my prayer requests and yours. There may be days when we don't see much happening -- but things are not always as they appear.

Remember Good Friday... what appeared to be the most awful day of all turned out to be the most beautiful redemptive grace of God in action! What appeared to represent death and loss turned out to be glorious life and gain!

Another example is the life of Joseph whose brothers sold him to slavery. Later, Potipher's wife had him wrongfully imprisoned. Things appeared quite hopeless, but Joseph kept his eyes on God. And God brought great good for a whole nation out of what others intended as harm. (Genesis 50:19-21)

It can be that way with our prayers, too. What appears to be a hopeless situation, is not at all. Our heartfelt burdens can be the very reason we draw close to God, learning to more fully abide in Him and depend wholly on His grace. God loves to have His children close and to provide for all the needs of His faithful. From the throne of Heaven, He sees all and knows what's best. His plan is more magnificent than the immediate solutions we can see and hope for. What seems like forever for us to suffer in a situation is more like five seconds in God's time. He is at work changing hearts and orchestrating details into place for the more elegant tapestry yet to be revealed. 

Yes, we can have joy while we are waiting -- by keeping our eyes on Him and putting all our faith in Him -- no matter how long the wait.

Awesome God, continue to teach us what it is to walk in joyous faith, remembering the awe of who you are and what you are doing behind the scenes. I humbly bring you my requests, but I bow to your more magnificent plan.

Inspired by an earlier post, on April 20 I will be speaking on "Joyful in the Wait" as a breakout session at the Women's Breakaway in Chilton.

Open Wide

Springtime in the Smokies

With everyone we love, we carry burdens because of that love. When they hurt, we do, too.

In a sleepless pocket of the night, concerned and praying for someone close to me, some words popped in my mind...

"Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

I recognized the words had come from scripture, but exactly where I did not know. But they comforted me and I drifted into a sweet sleep.

With the first awareness of morning, the words were there again, crisp and clear. I went to my Bible, eager to look up the context. They belong to Psalm 81.

"I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

The psalm talked of the joy in remembering the things the Lord had done for His people Israel. Delivered them from famine. Removed the burden from their shoulders. Even made water come from a rock when they were thirsting in the desert. He had done wondrous things they could never have done on their own. He had made things possible in situations that seemed impossible.

All He asked then -- and all He asks now -- is our loyalty and trust, looking only to Him for all we need. No idols, no looking to something or someone else to resolve those difficult issues in life.

"If my people would but listen to me... how quickly would I subdue their enemies (v. 14)," He said. "You would be fed with the finest of wheat, with honey from the rock I would satisfy you (v. 16)."

As I went about my day, the anxiety I had felt was replaced with a gentle comfort. My heart was truly warmed by these sweet words that formed a rich picture of God caring for all and being in control of all. It was a powerful reminder of what a humongous difference it makes to shift my focus off my concerns and onto trusting in the Lord alone for all life's needs.


Almighty God, Our Father, I thank you for the wondrous ways you provide when we look to you for all our needs. I love to hear your comfort and direction when I am open enough to listen.