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| Magnificent moment of sunrise, captured in Minnesota. |
Since we learned just how aggressive Ted's cancer had become, I once again became vigilant. Needing to ask the right questions, wanting to be prepared for whatever is next, knowing it could be a long journey, I took it all on as best I could.
But, it's hard to sleep when you can't let your body relax. So I've been practicing a lot of "letting go" of the burdens I am trying to carry:
When we learned his cancer had become resistant to standard chemo drugs, we asked God to show us a way. We know that God beats incredible odds and redeems impossible situations. We read it and teach it and share it each day. Now it is time to believe it for ourselves. We got a second opinion which offered a clinical trial on a promising new drug.
In the weeks we waited to hear if insurance would cover the costs, we knew we had to surrender that, too. God would provide, we said -- or maybe He already had, even if it wiped out all our savings (it all came from Him in the first place). Soon we got word that insurance will likely cover.
Yet, the heaviest weight I carry is the thought of losing my dear husband and all the richness of life we enjoy together.
In the sweetest of spots deep in my heart, I know the love of God is greater than anything I could ever ask or imagine. Nothing can ever separate me from His love. His care and His grace go with me every step of the way. Though I pray desperately for healing, I opened my hands and asked that God's will be done, because He has a plan for all and He knows best.
And three days after Ted started taking the drug, we began to see amazing results. It's working! It's working! A bright new hope gleams at this moment in our lives. We continue to surrender to Him and trust that it will continue. We are in awe of the One who provides all we need for each day.
(If you'd like, you can follow our journey on www.caringbridge.org/visit/tbj. You'll need to enter your email and set up a password.)
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