Walking by Faith

My heart is broken and so much of the fun, the flavor and the fizzle in my life is gone. Even with great people around me, this lost and empty feeling is here with me every day. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to draw in breath. I wonder how I can ever feel okay again...

But I know it's early and the pain is still so raw. And I know the One who heals. I know where my hope and my help comes from (Ps. 121). With all the courage I can find, I put one foot in front of the other and walk by faith. Faith is not a feeling, it is an act of obedience. God is good and I'm sticking as close to Him as I can.

These words fit so well from The Hurt and the Healer, by Mercy Me:

So, here I am
what's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering...

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the Healer collide

Breathe
sometimes I feel its all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through...


Dear Lord, I realize you have equipped me for this time. You have taught me so many ways to see what it's like to abide in you, to look to you for my every need -- physical, emotional, spiritual. You have given me sweet training in surrender. I will practice what you've been teaching me. I will walk by faith.

How Much More

Mount Tremblant National Park, Quebec Sept. 2007

From so many "lookouts" in life, Ted and I have seen God's glory in His creation. From the great bluffs of Nova Scotia to the crest of Mount Tremblant to the high rugged trails on Mount Washington. I remember the wind whipping wildly as we shivered and watched the Lake Michigan waves roll in at Two Rivers one winter day. I remember his arms around me as we drank in the crisp, clear starry night at Big White on our honeymoon years ago.

Oh, to have any of that back again! Through great gulps of grief I savor the sweetness of all we had. There are times he feels so near I can almost see the love in his eyes, breathe his familiar scent or hold his ever-warm hands...

But I can not.

Oh, the pain of that!! I can not reach him as he is just beyond the veil, in another realm beyond my comprehension.

It makes the longing for Heaven that much stronger. It makes the yearning for that final journey that much greater. It makes my deep need for God -- His strength, His love, His direction -- that much more urgent.

"How much more" was a phrase Ted and I loved to study as we saw it occurred in the Bible quite frequently. It took things to a higher level; stepped them up a notch.

• If God clothes the grasses of the field -- those that will be tomorrow thrown into the fire -- how much more would He clothe you and me and provide for our deepest needs. (Luke 12:28)
• If a father, imperfect as he might be, knows how to give good things to his children, how much more would our Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him. (Matt. 7:11)
• If many died through the sin of one man (Adam), how much more would those receive God's abundant provision of grace and the gift of righteousness through one man, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:16-18)

God gives perfect gifts. He is not just a good giver, but a giver of "how much more." If God has already provided great things for us together in this life, how much more will He continue to provide good things. How much more will He saturate my life with His presence to get me through these painful times. How much more can I trust Him for what is to come, though I know not and see not what the future holds.

Dear God, I have always known you as a God of abundance. How much more you offer every new day. How much more is possible because we hope in you. How much more will I learn to love you and serve you in this life as you prepare me for eternity, too. How much more excited and fulfilled Ted and I will be when we meet again some day!