Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Constant daily care

Since my dear mother went home to Heaven a month ago,  I've been pulled in a million directions. My heart is drawn, first and foremost, to the needs of my grieving father, as he lost his 24/7 partner of 65 years and his loving and attentive caretaker. With my focus on Dad, I've scarcely had time to grieve the loss of Mom.

Of course I am concerned all the others I love...and the business of keeping life functioning, along with handling a multitude of details that come in the aftermath of losing someone. My to-do list is long and my hours are crowded with responsibilities. I feel stretched with handling new situations, and struggle to get enough sleep as my grieving brain continually reminds me of my new reality. I miss having time to do the things that replenish me (so I'm taking a few moments to write now).

My aching heart seeks God's presence, His nearness, to be my strength. I can't look back and change anything; I can't look ahead and fear anything; I must live in the present, in His presence. As I abide in Him with every step, I know I am being molded in His image, even now, as I feel so inadequate.

I take comfort in reading Mom's Bible, and some of the things she had underlined:
"I cannot count the times when you have faithfully rescued me...I will tell everyone how good you are, and of your constant, daily care. I walk in the strength of the Lord God...Your power and goodness, Lord, reach to the highest heavens. You have done such wonderful things. Where is there another God like you? You have let me sink down deep in desperate problems. But you will bring me back to life again, up from the depths of the earth." (Psalm 71, TLB)
I cling to my Rock, my Refuge, the God in whom I have trusted my whole life. He draws me to live with total dependence on Him. There isn't a single need I have that He can't provide. He gives all I need as I need it, just like He provided daily manna for the Israelites. Where I normally thrive on order and self sufficiency, I am learning to live in chaos and to more fully rely on Him to direct every next step.

Lord, if you choose this path for me to walk, I remember it is a privilege to walk this way with you. It is in these desperate times that we grow the most. Thank you for your constant daily care.

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