In My Potter's Hands

Today is Ted's three-month anniversary in Heaven. I still can't fully grasp that he is gone. He was the best friend I ever had and I miss him terribly.

I am frequently engulfed in grief and overwhelmed every single day. O-v-e-r-w-h-e-l-m-e-d. Every. Single. Day. It's not like anything I've ever felt before. In my stunned and racing mind, even the normal tasks and decisions are tedious. From day-to-day and moment-to-moment, in a year of firsts, it's difficult to keep the delicate balance between exhilarating and exhausting. I have a vast new appreciation for all those who have been grieving lost loved ones. How in the world do they do it and make it seem somewhat manageable?

I continue to deliberately put one foot in front of the other...walking by faith, carefully and prayerfully abiding in Christ. I am in the presence of my Savior, walking this rough road in His omnipotent company...the One who makes all things new. He is where my help comes from (Psalm 121). Every single overwhelming day, my eyes are fully seeking Him. There is no other way. It is the overwhelming that keeps me looking to Him, desperately needing more of Him. 

And then, there is an undeniable sweetness in the walk. A privilege to be so saturated and captivated by Him in moments of great need. He comforts me. He fills me. He blesses me with what I need to get through another challenge. I'm slowly healing as I talk about Ted (thanks for listening) and lean on Jesus. I soak in the precious memories of my soulmate and I am delighted when someone brings up his name.

I have a sense that I am being retooled for a new purpose. We so loved our lives together. My purpose was to love God, to love Ted -- and to love God and others with Ted. Now I am clay in the hands of my Potter, being reshaped for a new beginning of His choosing.

When Ted's cancer was diagnosed 12 years ago, someone gave him this clay mug. Ted loved telling the story of how it reminded him that the Potter has the right to rework the clay at any time and make what He wants with it.

You, Lord, are my sustenance and my life-giving cup. In that cup, you hold my future and my eternal riches. (Psalm 16:5, The Voice)

True Refreshing

On Friday, I was getting a little frazzled as I worked to pull a newsletter together under deadline. As editor, there was lots to be done... e-mails were flying, phones were ringing and there was a flurry of activity around me. This is what I love to do, but there were many details pulling me in many directions and I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was also eagerly anticipating speaking at a women's retreat that would begin after work. The theme of the weekend would be how God refreshes us like a well-watered garden in a sun-scorched land (Isaiah 58:11). I realized that if I were going to share a message of refreshment with the ladies, I needed to be authentic and recognize when I needed refreshing!

I hadn't even taken a break, so I slipped away to a conference room to get some quiet time and get my head together. I spent a few minutes surrendering to the Lord and listening for His wisdom. The focus of my talk was to encourage women to take a consistent quiet time with the Lord, to practice abiding in Him, to look to Him for wisdom, nourishment and refreshment, and to journal to remember what the Lord has done. I reviewed my notes and soon it was time to return to work. I felt a new peace and was glad I had made the time to go to Him for refreshing.

When I came back, my day certainly turned around. I was told about a raise I would be receiving...what timing! But the best was yet to come...

I went to retrieve a particular graphic from the iStock photos website. I logged in and punched in the 7-digit number of a specific roadsign graphic I needed for the newsletter. For a split second, I saw the graphic I was retrieving, but then the screen mysteriously redirected to another page...

The new screen was full of graphics and I marveled as I saw what they were... a girl washing at a faucet, raindrops gently falling, waterfalls, streams and more waterfalls, a video of a water droplet, more streams, a gushing spout, fresh tulips in the rain and … a bloom abiding on a vine!! I was exhilirated with each new treasure as I hovered my mouse to enlarge each photo or play each video one by one.

I have no idea how all these exciting graphics came back when the number I entered should have brought back only the one that was not-so-exciting. There was nothing in the search box. It wasn't until later that I noticed the keyword in the upper left said simply "source."

I saved a screenshot of how God blew me away with His display of love. He is the SOURCE of our REFRESHMENT. Be encouraged, all who read this. Go to Him for refreshment as often as you need it and know that He knows exactly what you need!

Oh Gracious God, my heart is so grateful for all You have done and continue to do. Let me never again ignore what You are so willing to give.

Raise Your Hands

Are you fighting battles you still haven't won?

Maybe you are fighting to keep the faith on a still-unanswered prayer? A lost loved one? A rejection? A fear? An addiction? What can we do when we feel so alone and nothing seems to be working?

A few years ago, I was in this kind of spot, crying out to God as a mother. As I prayed, I was reminded of a story in Exodus 17. When the Amalekites attacked the Israelites at Rephidim, Joshua gathered some men to go and fight them. They were a tough enemy and it took a lot of determination and persistence. It required sticking to the strategy and trusting God.

Moses went up the hill and raised his hands to God. As long as his hands were raised, the Israelites were winning the battle. But as soon as he grew weary and let his arms down, the enemy advanced. So Aaron and Hur came to Moses, one on each side, and helped him hold his hands up until the enemy was defeated.

So, back to our own struggles. Let's raise our hands in prayer, surrendering our huge battles to the Lord. And when we are overwhelmed or too weary to do it alone, we need to reach out and ask our friends to help us keep our hands raised.

Praying for one another is powerful. Whose hands will you help hold up today?

Oh God, give us strength to hold tight to You. And one day we will say, "He has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes." (Ps. 54:7 NIV)

(Write your prayer request in the comment section and we can help you pray.)