Special Memorial

In summer of 2012, Ted and I dug up a bunch of overgrown daffodils in our garden and separated the bulbs. Oh, how they'd multiplied!

We gave some to friends and planted the rest along the back of the yard, giving them room to grow and spread out. Not wanting to waste a single bulb, Ted tilled up more and more space and we planted for hours until all the bulbs had a home. We had the satisfaction of completing the project together and talked about how we could look forward to all those blooms in the spring.

The winter was long, and when I first saw all the daffodils sprouting, I smiled in surprise because I had forgotten about them. Besides, I had a lot on my mind with Ted having been in the hospital for weeks. I thought about how they would make a cheerful homecoming when Ted got out.

Then on May 2, 2013, Ted went home to be with the Lord, but the daffodils burst into bloom as we planned his funeral. It was bittersweet that Ted wasn't here with me to enjoy them, but they reminded me of the new life Ted was beginning.

Now, on the second anniversary of Ted's passing, the daffodils' smiling faces appeared in perfect timing. Each year, I will recall the wonderful time we had working together on this. Each year, they bring with them the hope of a new season. Life goes on, and God makes all things beautiful in His time.

At the time of the planting, we did not have a clue that Ted's cancer would take a turn and that he wouldn't be there to see them in Spring. He could not have known we were planting his memorial garden together.

God, thank you once again for the wonderful husband you gave me, and the many memories we made that I will cherish all my life. Thank you for the daffodils; they are great reminders of your unfailing love, and his.

Love From My Valentine

Abiding in our Lord is so amazing. He speaks to us in so many ways -- customized for each one of us -- in the ways we can best perceive and relate. God's love is so special. Celebrate His love this Valentine's Day.

Today, February 14, has lots of sweet memories for me. I married the love of my life, and we celebrated it profoundly every year...a snowy walk to the ice caves on Lake Superior at Bayfield, a romantic walk in the woods through fresh fallen snow, and Door County weekends with dear friends also celebrating anniversaries.

I still treasure the most beautiful cards, with carefully chosen words. On our last Valentine's Day together, Ted gave me nine red roses for nine years of marriage, made me chocolate-covered strawberries and then gave me three more roses, signifying the three of us -- God, him and me -- and what it takes to make the marriage work.

Though I miss Ted all the time, it's my practice of abiding in Jesus that lifts me and fills me. Look at this beautiful reminder I found in the fresh snow this morning. The wind had swirled and carved away a perfect heart.

Lord, your love is truly amazing! Teach us all to be still, be mindful and to watch for the unlimited ways you speak to us. 

Choosing to Walk by Faith

Inevitably, something comes into my life that wants to draw every spare moment of my attention -- a concern that grows, a problem that consumes, a situation that overwhelms. “Oh God, I’m in WAY over my head,” I say.

The temptation is to want to fix it -- and fix it quickly -- to have peace and order again. So I roll it around and around in my brain, thinking of how I can resolve this issue and restore my life to its former comfort level. In reality, I’m reinforcing the negative as I stress over figuring it out.

I recognize this is an opportunity for the enemy to say, “You need to focus on this. This could go wrong or that could be coming down the road and you need to stay ahead of it. Be ready. It could get worse.”

All the while God is saying, “You’re not alone. I am with you always. I would never leave you or forget you. I have everything under control. Just look to me. This is not YOUR project, but an opportunity to let ME work through you. I am orchestrating everything together for good. Watch and see. I will provide what you need at the very time you need it. Keep your eyes on me.”

So, despite the emotions that sometimes get in my way, I choose to walk by faith, even in the shades of gray, in the waiting time when I don’t know how things will turn out. That’s what faith is after all -- trusting God implicitly, knowing that He knows best and His timing is best.

My job is to keep my attention focused on Him, listening for His direction on what my role is, and then being courageous and obedient in following the last thing I heard Him impress upon me. This is abiding in Jesus. It is where I need to be and where I need to stay. It is where I will bear fruit.

“I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see…”

Thank you, dear Lord, for your ever-present goodness, for your wisdom and sovereignty. There is nothing too difficult for you. Greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world. I have everything I need when I abide in you.

For more encouragement, listen to “Walk by Faith” by Jeremy Camp and “He is Greater” by Mercy Me.

An Exceptional Sky

My heart leaped for joy when I saw the sky yesterday. My first look in the morning was on the way to church. With a round moon still visible, great billows repeatedly criss-crossed the sky. Not only then, but all throughout the day as I whittled away at the yard work I admired this beautiful sky, painted with expressions of love.

To most, they look like the vapor trails left behind by soaring planes when the conditions are right in the atmosphere. But I have come to know them as quiet reassurances, or hugs and kisses from Ted.

Over these last seventeen months, I have found encouragement believing that if there were a way for Ted to communicate from Heaven to Earth, this would be fitting knowing how much he loved watching planes fly over. Does he now have special powers to paint the sky? This I don't know. But God knows the desire of my heart is to hear from Ted and I know God can arrange anything!

So many days I have rejoiced in seeing a crisp stripe cutting the sky in half, just when I needed to see one. Most days the vapor fades away instantly, so I feel blessed to see them at the most well-timed moments. But yesterday, the abundant, billowy trails lingered for a long time. It was the most exceptional and longest lasting display I have seen.

And why not? Yesterday was the 12-year anniversary of our first date. And Ted would NEVER miss any sort of anniversary! Love you, too, honey!!!

Thank you, God, for being so personal. We are still a cord of three and I am thrilled with your still small voice. Thank you for the quiet reassurances of your love and his.

Abiding in Abundance

I haven't blogged here since March, but I haven't given it up! I've (very happily) begun blogging for my church, sometimes revisiting things I've already posted here.

Mostly, my reason for silence on this site has been that I am immersed in a new endeavor... I have always and forever wanted to write a book, and I'm believing the time is now to get it written!

My theme (possibly title) is "Abiding in Abundance." It is about learning to abide in Jesus, trust in Him at the deepest levels through everything life throws at me. It is about the never-changing, never-failing love He lavishes on us through all circumstances, and how He provides just what we need at exactly the time we need it. (I have many personal examples that I would love to share.)

I will share how God gave me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for when he laced Ted's life together with mine. Now, a year after losing my sweet husband to cancer, I'm writing about the tremendous blessing and divine provision he has been in my life. I have the richest memories to last a lifetime.

We had wonderful companionship, adventure, mystery and romance. Our marriage was founded on our faith, enriched by attentiveness, grace, sacrifice and obedience. We embraced each others' children, blending our families quite successfully and enjoying the uniqueness of every one. By keeping a margin in our lives to listen and respond to God's guidance, we grew together and persevered through struggles, especially navigating Ted's illness. (He had cancer for 12 years.)

My life with Ted was abundantly full of joy, gratitude and adventure. But my life didn't end when his did, so I know God has a purpose for me here. As I lean on Him in the healing process and explore "where do I go from here," I'm writing of God's wonderful provisions I still see on a daily basis, through the valley and out the other side.

Through it all, I see how God has been teaching me I can be joyful while I wait in faith for long-offered prayers to be answered. I can be joyful in the wait to be reunited with Ted someday in Heaven.

Because Jesus came that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)

Lord, every precious and perfect gift comes from you. (James 1: 17) Allow me to share our story in a way that inspires and nurtures others in their faith and relationships. Would you bless my writing and enable me to devote the time to attention it needs? Guide me to its completion -- whenever that will be -- but in your perfect timing, in Jesus' name. Amen

In the Storm

My heart was pounding in my chest, my stomach was in knots, my breath was short and shallow. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. My energy was zapped. I just wanted peace, but it wasn't coming. I was beside myself with the business ahead of me. I don't like conflict. Why do I need to do all these hard things, Lord?

I had listed the circumstances of great concern to me on a couple of whiteboards so I would be praying about them. But, really that was a silly strategy, because that's all I was doing all day long is crying out to God about these things!

Too consumed to focus on my job, and too emotional to keep it together at work, I took some PTO and headed home. I listened to our Sunday church service since I had been with my kids at their church on the weekend. Pastor Troy had just returned from the Holy Land and was sharing his own photos of the sea of Galilee as he told the story of Jesus walking on water in Matthew 14. Not knowing what was coming toward them, the disciples were terrified, crying out in fear. (That pretty well described me, too.) "Take courage," Jesus said, "It is I. Don't be afraid."

Then, Peter was actually able to walk on the water to Jesus... until he started noticing the wind and the waves, instead of keeping His eyes on Jesus. He lost his focus and that's when he started to sink. (Yes, I realized, that's exactly what had happened to me!)

How many times have I learned that when I abide, He provides?? Though I was saying the prayers and the words, my heart was still anguishing at the potential unknowns ahead of me. I was focusing on all the wrong things!

I pondered this timely message over the last few days, letting it sink in deeper. It was no accident I heard that story at that particular time!

This morning, I erased all the circumstances I had written on my whiteboards. I certainly don't need to be reminded of them -- and Jesus doesn't either! Instead I wrote all the things that encourage me -- His truths, His words, song lyrics that remind me where my focus should be.

Even now, I am still "in the storm" (the circumstances are still there, along with several unknowns), but I finally have more peace.

I can praise Him even in the storm, because I know that through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.

Gracious Lord, thank you for the peace we can have when we are under your wing, abiding in you. I know, somehow, you have a deeper meaning and purpose in these hard things. If you bring us to them, you will bring us through them. Most of all, I know you are with me and would never leave me. I will keep my eyes on you, where they belong.

Who Will Be Blessed for My Obedience?

Digging in for a Bible study, I am again drawn to a deeper appreciation of the very familiar story of Abraham heading to the mountain to sacrifice Isaac.

Ted and I had explored this story, in depth, on several occasions. We've had the pleasure of dissecting it with a dozen friends gathered in our living room for a Genesis study. Most of us have heard this story many, many times since childhood. Yet new observances keep opening the way for me to grasp more and more of God's grace each time.

God tests (but does not tempt), and He gave Abraham the supreme test. Was he willing to sacrifice his only son, whom he dearly loved? (Gen. 22) His prior experiences had brought him to a level of faith where he did not waiver, but did exactly as he was told -- until the angel of the Lord urgently called out to stop him! He then caught a ram in the thicket and offered it in place of his son -- a burnt offering -- a symbol of surrender.

Because Abraham did not withhold anything from God, even his long-awaited, beloved son, God knew he was "all in." Because of Abraham's obedience, not only was he blessed, but all nations on earth would be blessed!

This story foreshadows the Greatest Sacrifice, and we know that God did not withhold His only beloved Son either. The ram in the thicket foreshadows the Lamb of God taking our place on the cross, offering full and complete forgiveness and the awesome gift of eternal life with our Creator.

This is the most beautiful story on so many levels. It takes years and years, and multiple readings of this story for it to sift into my brain to a more full comprehension.

In the ancient times, people would sit around with their families and extended families and tell these miraculous stories and relive the blessings, time after time. Today, we have that same privilege -- if we choose to do it -- to sit around with family and friends -- in living rooms, church gatherings or around campfires -- and chew on these stories, sift these words, ponder these truths together to reap the blessings for obedience in our own lives.

If Abraham would not withhold his only son from God... and if God would not withhold his only Son from us... can I surrender in trust the lives and the futures of my own beloved children and grandchildren into God's very capable hands?

In full confidence, Abraham told his servants (v. 5) "we will come back to you." The same way, I can know with complete confidence that the Lord is guiding and providing for each of them through the complicated and sometimes treacherous paths of our lives.

If, because of Abraham's obedience, his whole family and all nations on earth were blessed, who will be blessed because of MY obedience? Or, said another way, who will not be blessed if I don't fully obey?


Lord, I want the kind of faith that pleases you. I want to fully obey so that you can fully bless. I want to live the life of full surrender and obedience that gives you all the glory.

Who will likely share in the blessings for YOUR obedience?