What Needs to be Done?



Last fall, Ted and I co-led a "Spiritual Parenting" class based on the book with the same name by Michelle Anthony. It was excellent and we highly recommend it. Our kids are grown, but they're never too old for the new ways of loving and encouraging we found in this book.

The simple question, "What needs to be done?" 
can open doors to selfless giving.

The author wisely shared her prescription for "igniting a transforming faith," helping kids "find their identity in Christ," and putting them in "the path of the divine," rather just managing behavior and looking good on the outside.

One of my favorite parts is her introduction of the question: "What needs to be done?" Anthony suggests this is one of the best questions you can ask of your kids. She describes how children, even at an early age, need to move beyond "all about me" and see their interdependence to the world around them. When they see what they can contribute, they begin to grasp the value of serving others.

I did a lot of reflecting on this simple, yet profound question. It's so appropriate in so many situations:

• Ask it of a toddler when it's time to pick up toys to go to bed.
• Ask it of a 10-year-old who needs to set priorities for schoolwork.
• Ask it of a teen sorting her way out of an emotional conflict.
• A couple in our class told us they asked it of their kids when a realtor phoned wanting to show their home. The kids each found things to tidy up to make the place look more inviting.
• We can ask the question of our kids, grandkids or other kids in various mentoring situations.

Asking that simple question teaches our youth to contribute to a family or group, which reinforces their worth and belonging. Then, it takes their identities in Christ a step further by encouraging them to give their gifts to others as part of His family.

The essential lesson of helping kids to become others-focused opens doors to independence, confidence and responsibility. When we ask, "What needs to be done?" we equip them to walk into any situation or relationship and use their leadership and problem-solving skills. They will be a better playmate, team-mate, room-mate, sibling, spouse, parent and community volunteer because of it. We empower them to assess the situation and to think for themselves, as we are there to guide them. Asking questions is so often better than giving answers!

We've all seen kids (and even adults) who are stuck in selfishness, not developing and using their gifts, not feeling equipped or empowered, waiting for someone else to do it. What a great thing it is when we teach  kids to really think for themselves. It's sure to enhance the purpose and meaning in their lives.

What needs to be done? Of course, the best way to sink the roots in deep is to model this behavior for our children. When they see us loving and serving others, they grow up knowing it is an important part of life.


Dear God, help us as we teach our kids to love one another, to see the gifts they have to give, and to find their divine purpose in life. Equip us, as parents, in this very important role!


Who can you encourage with this question?

A Blessing Waiting to Emerge

Several months ago, I got a little handwritten note card from someone with whom I had lost touch over the years. She invited me to give her a call and to have lunch sometime.

It is always nice to be remembered by someone, and it made me smile. Nonetheless, it caught me at a busy time and I set the card aside.

Now, anyone with good manners would never approve of how long I procrastinated before making that one phone call. I had good intentions of making the call, but would move it from one stack of "to-do's" to another. I looked at the card every day -- can you believe it? -- for several months. What was I waiting for?

I have no idea why I made a little thing that could be so easy seem so hard. But, when I finally made the call, it wasn't difficult at all. We made plans and got together for a delightful lunch and sweet conversation. Not only did I reconnect with someone I had long ago admired, but now we have a richer connection as we found we are sisters in the Lord!

All those months I looked at that card as a "to-do" instead of a relationship "to be"! How could I have been so lax? The positive connection made me wonder how many other blessings I've been putting off or missing altogether.

Is there anything you've procrastinated about? Maybe it's time to move on it. There could be a blessing waiting to emerge.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessings of the people you put in our lives. Some for a reason, others for a season, some for forever! Thank you, especially, for my brother and sister believers. They're special indeed because we'll share eternity together.

More Delight. Less Division.

"Love More Delightful Than Wine" was the name of the marriage enrichment seminar I shared yesterday at the Women's Breakaway. (I named it after the deep, committed, passionate love portrayed in the book of Song of Solomon.) I have a passion for helping women make the most of their marriages. I want to see couples find more delight and less division. Let's take just a few tiny sips of that wine today...

A great way to find more delight is to have a "teachable spirit." Are you always ready to learn more?

With all the negative forces around us, I think we need to be sharing encouragement with one another, building strong marriages and keeping delight flourishing. Let me share a few things I've learned, and then I'd love to hear from you, too!

It's not about me. Look around you and see how solid marriages are built up with selfless behavior and others are torn down with self-centered behavior. I have been blessed with a wonderful example watching my mom and dad serve each other and look out for one another's best interests (married 57 happy years and counting). Conversely, haven't we all seen marriages stagger under the weight of "it's all about me" thinking?

Listen to his heart. Remember how you hung on each other's every word when you were dating? Everything he said was important and you replayed the details in your mind when you were away from each other. Let's strive to listen like that again! Listen for the heart, and not necessarily the words chosen. Don't read more into it than what's there; don't run on ahead. Believe that your partner is on your side.

Don't put him in God's place. My husband is wonderful, but he's not God! He can't be everything for me or fix everything for me. I need to be bringing those needs to God. I've found that when I put God first in my life, everything else has a way of coming into the right focus. (Besides, my husband could some day be taken from me, but nothing can ever take God away!)

Gracious God, you've given us the example of perfect love -- it's sacrificial, unconditional, lavish and extraordinary. And it's for eternity. Let us bask in your love today. Please teach us how to love!

There's so much more, but I'll save it for another day. Please feel free to share your words of wisdom on any of the above. What makes your marriage great?

Blessings for Obedience

We recently returned from southern Arkansas where the fruit trees were blossoming and warm breezes were blowing. Now who around here, still looking at a foot of snow, wouldn't find that refreshing? But hang on, Spring will arrive for us, too!

A road trip clears my mind and freshens my perspective. With my husband driving the many miles we covered, I had the opportunity to read to him, and then we'd discuss what stood out to us. We were in Leviticus (which can be a challenge), but here is the treasure I found there:

"If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, I will send you..." (I'll summarize, but you can read it here: Leviticus 26:3-13 NIV) rain... crops... fruit... harvest... safety... peace... security... favor... increase... abundance... freedom. The Lord shared beautiful promises:

• "I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful..."
• "I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people..."
• "I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high..."

And the one that really charmed me was:

• "Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you."

What this says to me is when we walk with God, we can beat INCREDIBLE odds! When we walk in obedience, surrendered to Him, He can do things we could have never imagined.

Ted and I talked about times in our lives we've known that to be true. Sweet times of fully trusting; we saw God's hand and His favor in our lives beyond what we would have believed. Dismal situations that turned out far better than we could have hoped.

We wished it could always be that way, but we sometimes get in the way of that. God wants our full obedience... we say we want to follow Him wholeheartedly, but we hold back a little piece of ourselves. We try to give God power and authority over our lives but we hold onto something we don't really want Him to change. We live under burdens we don't need to carry because we want to do it our way.

When we worry or doubt, we are focusing on ourselves and not God. With people things seem impossible, but with God all things are possible. What power there is in surrender! We're afraid of losing, but in reality, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

God, help us to be careful to obey your commands. We want your blessings for obedience. With our eyes on you, we strive to let go of all that holds us back. We want to beat the odds, to rise above the selfishness that keeps us from knowing your perfect will.

Is there something that seems too big in your life? Give it to God and watch Him work.

Be Still. Do Less. Be More.

My new year's resolution was to "Be Still." I'm still working on it, and I've added a tagline of "Do Less, Be More."

I wake up with 6,000 thoughts on my mind and sometimes want to plunge right into doing...

If I am too busy to “be still,” I will likely miss the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit. I will miss going to my God for deep refreshing, and I will end up trying to do things on my own strength.

If I am too busy to read the Word, I am missing out on Truth. I am going from memory only -- and sometimes that is not so good. J

Jesus prayed for His disciples to be “sanctified by the truth; Your word is truth.” (John 17:17) Sanctified comes from the Greek word hagiazo, which means "set apart for sacred use."

If I'm too busy to read the Word, how can I be set apart? I may miss being used by God for His Glory. I may miss seeing Him working, I may miss the opportunity to share His love with someone who really needs it... and I may miss the blessings He had for me to experience... all because I am too wrapped up in getting things done.

So many times, my mind leaps back to productivity. It's like I want to redeem every minute of every day so I can fit more good things in it. Do. Do. Do. But that leads to multi-tasking, overloading, not being present in the moment and missing out on relationships. It's the Mary and Martha story (Luke 10:38-42), all over again! I'm a human being, not a human doing. I realize there are times I need to DO less and just BE more. I want to choose what is needed, what is better... and often that means taking time to be refreshed at the feet of Jesus.

Heavenly Father, please help me to hear Your beautiful "still small voice" and to be available to You today. Refresh me so I can BE who you need me to be. Your Word is Truth. Sanctify me by Your Truth!

Do you sometimes have a tendency to DO too much? Do you want to DO less, BE More?

Making the Climb Together

Last summer, Ted and I had a wonderful time hiking Logan Pass -- 6,646 ft. above sea level, along the Continental Divide in Glacier National Park, Montana. Or should I say, I had a more wonderful time than he did...

You'd never guess it was July 8th, because there was snow all the way up the 1.5-mile steady incline to the overlook of the still-frozen Hidden Lake -- sometimes soft, deep, unstable snow, like walking on the beach in thick sand, but also slippery at times. (Two are better than one... if either of them falls down, one can help the other up! Eccl:4-9-10)

We took longer than most to reach the summit, but it was an exhilirating hike and the views were spectacular tromping around in the "Crown of the Continent." What I didn't know then was my dear husband had pain with every step... but he conquered the hike because he knew I was looking forward to it so much. (He went on to have hip surgery in November.) What a man!

This is just one of many beautiful things in our marriage. With not a grumble, he suffered in silence to do something he didn't want me to give up. I love his sense of adventure in wanting to provide these opportunities for me. My confidence has grown with his love and encouragement every day. It's a love more delightful than wine. It inspires me to watch for more opportunities to love, honor and support him, too. It urges me to share our blessings to help others embrace what we have found.

I'll be sharing some of what I believe makes a marriage great in a breakout session at the Women's Breakway on April 9. Is it romance, mystery and adventure? Sacrifice, companionship, attentiveness, grace? Indeed, it is all these things as we seek to live the extravagant love our Father has modeled for us. We're going to celebrate the blessings of marriage with practical wisdom, personal stories and scriptural examples.

I love when I hear people in praise of their marriages, don't you? Isn't it encouraging to hear sweet things instead of only what went wrong? I suspect many couples could be a lot happier than they are. Let's not take our relationships for granted -- every great union needs nurturing. What do you do to keep your marriage on solid ground? We can help model the way for others to keep marriages nurtured, encouraged, God-centered, healthy and strong!

Father, we know that You designed marriage and called it good. A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Eccl. 4:12). Teach us how to follow your example of unfailing love and lavish grace.

How do you nurture your marriage? What is the best advice you could give another woman wanting to keep her marriage strong?

True Refreshing

On Friday, I was getting a little frazzled as I worked to pull a newsletter together under deadline. As editor, there was lots to be done... e-mails were flying, phones were ringing and there was a flurry of activity around me. This is what I love to do, but there were many details pulling me in many directions and I was feeling overwhelmed.

I was also eagerly anticipating speaking at a women's retreat that would begin after work. The theme of the weekend would be how God refreshes us like a well-watered garden in a sun-scorched land (Isaiah 58:11). I realized that if I were going to share a message of refreshment with the ladies, I needed to be authentic and recognize when I needed refreshing!

I hadn't even taken a break, so I slipped away to a conference room to get some quiet time and get my head together. I spent a few minutes surrendering to the Lord and listening for His wisdom. The focus of my talk was to encourage women to take a consistent quiet time with the Lord, to practice abiding in Him, to look to Him for wisdom, nourishment and refreshment, and to journal to remember what the Lord has done. I reviewed my notes and soon it was time to return to work. I felt a new peace and was glad I had made the time to go to Him for refreshing.

When I came back, my day certainly turned around. I was told about a raise I would be receiving...what timing! But the best was yet to come...

I went to retrieve a particular graphic from the iStock photos website. I logged in and punched in the 7-digit number of a specific roadsign graphic I needed for the newsletter. For a split second, I saw the graphic I was retrieving, but then the screen mysteriously redirected to another page...

The new screen was full of graphics and I marveled as I saw what they were... a girl washing at a faucet, raindrops gently falling, waterfalls, streams and more waterfalls, a video of a water droplet, more streams, a gushing spout, fresh tulips in the rain and … a bloom abiding on a vine!! I was exhilirated with each new treasure as I hovered my mouse to enlarge each photo or play each video one by one.

I have no idea how all these exciting graphics came back when the number I entered should have brought back only the one that was not-so-exciting. There was nothing in the search box. It wasn't until later that I noticed the keyword in the upper left said simply "source."

I saved a screenshot of how God blew me away with His display of love. He is the SOURCE of our REFRESHMENT. Be encouraged, all who read this. Go to Him for refreshment as often as you need it and know that He knows exactly what you need!

Oh Gracious God, my heart is so grateful for all You have done and continue to do. Let me never again ignore what You are so willing to give.