Facing Trials of Many Kinds

I've been keeping vigil on Ted's health all summer and it was starting to take a toll on me. We'd been through some difficult trials, and I got behind on sleep.

When sleep-deprived, ever notice how your whole outlook changes? Doubt and discouragement creep in. It is a tool of the enemy to steal our hope and joy.

The Bible tells us to “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Sometimes it is hard to make the leap to “joy,” but I do know I want mature faith. I tell myself I need to persevere so I can be complete, not lacking anything. It will all be worth it. The joy will come again. I’d say, “OK, Lord. If that’s what it takes, then bring it on. But, help me persevere.”

I’d be strong one moment, and then doubt would enter in. I’d think of how long a road this has already been and how little progress I’ve seen lately. I’d start to wonder if Ted would ever get off oxygen again. Would we ever be able to sleep in a tent and hear the sounds of the crickets or the loons singing on the lake? Would we ever feel the peaceful glide of our canoe on the water? Would we ever enjoy a late bonfire, watching the last few valiant embers fade? These are the things we love. We’ve enjoyed the sweetest of outdoor memories together, but what if that’s all we have now – just memories of doing these things?

I struggled and wrestled. What if this were God’s will for us? I cried out to God. I grieved the loss of my summer, the loss of the life we knew. Finally, I told God I would accept whatever He has for us and I would still praise Him. I’d have to adjust, but I’d still love Him and praise Him, whether in the valleys or on the mountaintops.

After my prayer of surrender, God began to encourage me. Ted’s strength increased a great deal in a few days. Yesterday, he got to turn his oxygen down a notch, and his blood counts show the infection is going away… yes, progress! (I celebrated by bringing him flowers from the farmers market and a loaf of his favorite bread – yes, he can have carbs again!)

This morning I opened my Bible to read where I had left off, at the story of David and Goliath. Once again, God reminded me of how we can conquer the giants in our lives – beat incredible odds – if we just trust in Him. We must not focus on the giant, but on God.

Do you have a “giant” that is trying to discourage you?

Oh God, you are so good and you are faithful beyond our comprehension. I trust you with whatever you allow to happen in our lives, because you are in control. Thank you for the glorious hope we have in knowing you.

Sending Down Deeper Roots

Just as the clearing was coming into view, another obstacle entered in. Ted is back in the hospital and our routine is anything but normal. Behind on sleep and overwhelmed at times, I press on to the priorities in life. I know that God is in control and that He equips me for all that He calls me to. I struggle but hold on, realizing He must be taking us deeper. And for that I can be thankful.

When I feel that I am not enough, I try to remember that He is. I am to trust in the Lord with all my heart and I am not to lean on my own understanding. (Prov. 3:5-6 NIV) What does this trusting look like?

Last night I was refreshed by the words of Jeremiah the prophet, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out is roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." (Jer. 17:7-8 NIV)

When I had opened my Bible in the middle of the night, a card fell out that Ted and I had prepared together several summers ago to lead devotions when camping with our friends in the Sylvania Wilderness. Interesting that it was six years ago to the day (on Sunday) that we had shared this devotion together.

It brought back memories of canoeing in the pristine waters and hiking amongst towering trees on mossy earth, spongy from years of a naturally rejuvenating forest. We had gathered the dozen adventurous campers around a crackling campfire for a time of Sunday morning fellowship. We talked about the above verse, discussed how a tree illustrates trusting, and explored what is involved in sending out roots. It was one of those sweet spiritual conversations I have treasured among close friends. Just as we were wrapping up our devotional time, someone looked up and noticed six bald eagles circling in the clearing overhead! Overflowing with thankfulness, we watched them for quite awhile.

It refreshed me as I thought of how that devotion is just as relevant today. "Just as we have received Christ Jesus as Lord, we continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as we were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." (Col. 2:6-7 NIV)

When times are tough, it calls for deeper roots. I envision sinking my roots deep into the stream of Living Water, abiding in Him, trusting in Him to make my path straight.

How can we strengthen our "roots" today?

Dear Lord, Creator of the vast heavens and everything lovely on earth, you make all things beautiful in your time and we will put our hope and trust in you.

Hold Fast to Him

Hiking in the Smokies in April 2010.

This summer is turning out so different than what we anticipated or planned. The activities we had in mind now seem so far away... camping, canoeing, biking, hiking and backpacking. Ted is now on oxygen 24/7 after a few surgeries and two weeks in the hospital. I've been on PTO from work and we've cleared our calendars to work full-time on restoring Ted's health. We were not prepared for this.

...Or were we?

As I reflect, it is clear that God has been equipping me. For several months, God has been impressing me to be still and know He's in control. I'd been inspired to commit more time than usual to God's Word (now I find I've been fortified by reading half the Bible since last summer). I'd also read several books by authors with extraordinary faith in various difficult situations (see my reading list). In my previous blog posts, I am reminded of all God has been teaching me... like how He's there to guide us through the storms, how He provides all we need for each day, and how we can beat incredible odds by trusting Him!

I am not unprepared. And my strength is certainly not my own.

As a couple, we work at surrendering our lives to the Lord to use however He chooses. We often don't have a clue how He is working in our lives, but we do know that God is good and He has a purpose in all of it. In my reading of the Old Testament I have seen repeatedly the command to "hold fast to Him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul" (Joshua 22:5 NIV). That is what we strive to do every day.

Whether we are out and about traveling wide circles, or limited by health issues, God uses us right where He has us. We are His servants and we let Him make that call. It is a privilege to hold fast to Him and serve Him wherever we are.

How about you -- has your life been "detoured" lately? How will you serve Him through it?

God, you are all good. Anything that happens to us must first pass through your hands. We trust in your design for our lives. Thank you for equipping us, guiding us and providing for us. We hold fast to you and follow you wholeheartedly through the storm.

A Whole New Level of Abiding

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Is. 41:10 NIV)

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. (Is. 26:3-4 NIV)

These are some of the scriptures I'm clinging to while facing the unknown.

What we thought was Ted's cancer morphing to another form appears not to be the case. The next step was to go back into surgery to sample some lung tissue after all. (This was the surgery that was avoided on Sunday.)

So, on Wednesday afternoon, back into surgery he went. The early examination of the samples identified a serious lung condition with any number of causes. Determining the cause will help pinpoint the treatment, but the process is long and tedious, with labs now being sent to Mayo Clinic.

After surgery Ted was again on a breathing machine and would be on it at least overnight. He was heavily sedated to keep him comfortable. I sat helpless in the darkened room with only the hum and hiss of the machines and the constant activity outside his room in ICU.

While I had rested in perfect peace just a few days before, that night I wrestled desperately to find that peace again. I realized God was taking me to a whole new level of abiding.

I had relied so heavily on Ted when making important decisions; now he was unable to communicate. I had relied on the doctors to find the cause and fix it; now even they were dealing with uncertainties. I had felt relief knowing what it was on Sunday; now all that had changed. I had leaned on our family and friends for prayers and support -- and while all that has been wonderful, there is no substitute for fully relying on God. There are times we are so alone and the ONLY answer is God.

"God, I am so lost, but help me remain in you. You are my Source of all I really need. Give me your perfect peace again. Strengthen me for the road ahead and give me your wisdom. Give the doctors your wisdom," I pleaded...

A few have reminded me of the words of a beautiful song by Scott Krippayne that fit so well at this time:

"Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child..."

While the wind and waves were wild that night, with the morning came a strength and, once again, a sense of indescribable peace. A peace that only He can give. A peace we can only receive as we look to Him for all our needs.

Lord, I don't even know all my needs, but You do. There are so many unknowns on all our paths. But I will trust in you, abide in you. I will rest in your comfort and draw my strength from you.

Wrapped in His Love

After a whirlwind week, Ted and I feel wrapped in God's love. Maybe I should say "rapt" in His love!

Saturday, in the Intensive Care Unit we were given heavy news. Ted's condition had baffled the good doctors and we were given three suspected scenarios of what might be causing the rapid decline in his respiratory system. Treatment for one might conflict with the other diagnoses, making things worse, so guessing would not be an option. The best way to know what is going on would be an open lung biopsy. But because Ted's oxygenation was so low, they feared he would never come off the breathing machine after surgery. This would mean being fed through a tube, and communicating by writing notes, no talking. Maybe for the rest of his life. This was what they prepared us for...

"We're between a rock and a hard place," one doctor said. "You're right on the cusp and we may have to make the decision for you. We can't afford to wait much longer." A second opinion from another doctor concurred.

We looked at each other, overwhelmed. Then we prayed.

"God, you know everything going on inside. We need Your direction. We surrender this to you, because it's way beyond us to figure out. As always, we want to abide in You."

Our pastor and his wife (our friends) were here within minutes to pray with us. Then a steady stream of others shared their wisdom and prayers through visits, emails, voicemails and texts. Another thoughtful doctor from our church stopped in (during his vacation) and share his insights.

A peace was growing as we saw one direction clearly taking shape -- we consented to the surgery.

We talked with each of our kids regarding the surgery that was scheduled for the morning. Each was sobered by the risks involved. Alyssa asked, "How does he feel about all this?" I handed Ted the phone for a few words.

"I have a peace about it." he said.

"How can you have peace with all this ahead of you?" she asked.

He softly said, "It comes from a lifetime of walking with the Lord, being in relationship with Him. I know He is with me every step of the way. He's going with me in the operating room and He knows all. I have nothing to fear."

We truly felt the love of God surround us. The peace that passes all understanding came to us.

The surgery came out far better than we had anticipated. They were able to do a less invasive surgery and get an adequate sample of a cancerous lymph node. Less cutting equals faster healing. Just knowing what it was brought some relief. That was the first hurdle cleared. 

The second one was cleared about an hour later when the breathing tube was successfully taken out!! Praise God. We are still hearing Ted's sweet voice and enjoying his smile.

Today, Tuesday, we are still awaiting the pathology results so that a treatment can be determined. Meanwhile, with other medical (and supernatural) interventions, his condition has improved enough to move out of ICU to another floor.

We still feel that incredible peace. Despite facing great darkness, it was a sweet weekend. We absolutely felt bathed in the beauty of the Lord. Wrapped in His love, we have nothing to fear.

Thank you, God, for being our Rock, our Shelter, our Peace!

Draw Me Away

Today I share with you a guest post; a devotional written by my friend, Barb Meacham. The beautiful photograph is one of her own, too!

Song of Songs 1:4 NASB

Draw me after you and let us run together!

Temptation has a loud voice, doesn’t it? It may start out as a whisper but given the chance will crescendo to a consuming roar. Recently I heard that familiar voice enticing me into another bout with temptation.

I used to think I could handle temptation, you know manage it. What a big mistake with an even bigger mess for an encore. Falling flat on my face is what it took to learn temptation is not something you play with. No wonder scripture tells us to flee it.  We need the Lord’s help. This takes surrender and dependence on him.

In Song of Songs 1:4 the maiden calls to her lover, ‘draw me after you – lets us run together!’ It’s an urgent cry to be drawn to a place of intimate communion with her loved one. He is the one she wants with all her heart. 

Jesus our Bridegroom-King delights in being our complete satisfaction. The longings of our heart are meant to be deeply satisfied in intimacy with him. It brings Him glory. When faced with temptation urgently cry out like the maiden, ‘Lord, draw me after you – let us run together!’ Not only is this beautiful love poetry but is the powerful Word of God, the Sword of the Spirit.

Who Jesus is in himself is the drawing power. He is an inexhaustible source of wonderful; a rich provision from the Father's loving heart. As the Holy Spirit reveals Jesus’ beauty and glorious perfections greater passions are awakened in us. Seeing his loveliness creates the continuous draw to run after him. When our hearts are captivated by Jesus, what the tempter baits his hook with loses its attraction. Temptation's alluring voice is drowned out by the magnificence of Christ.

Barb Meacham

Stitched Together

When we visited our daughter recently in rural Iowa, we noticed a number of "barn quilts." A barn quilt is an 8'x8' piece of wood painted like a quilt square and mounted on the side of a barn. We learned these are seen throughout the Midwest, begun as a way to draw visitors (appealing to both men and women) to these communities. With the open farmlands, these art pieces can be seen and enjoyed for miles.

Each quilt square was interesting by itself, but the whole concept became more inviting and interesting as we spotted more and more different squares. They brought unity to the community. The idea had caught on and spread to other communities becoming "stitched" together. We took long drives and had fun counting how many quilt squares we could spot on any given drive.

It made me think of how different we all are, and when we give of ourselves, collectively, it's a beautiful thing. It's needed in a family, in a church community, on a team.

My daughter is grown and living away from me, and there are times I miss her so much. I long to strengthen our family connections and do day-to-day things with her the way I see other mothers and daughters doing locally. But our love has to stretch many miles.

We made the most of our limited time together realizing each memory we make is a stitch that makes us stronger, bonds us together. She still benefits from my influence and I thrive from connecting with her. We need each other. We're family, and our lives are forever woven together. Like a quilt, each square is unique and beautiful by itself, but when they are together, it becomes so much more!

God, thank you for the gift of a daughter. I love her so much. She's forever part of the fabric of my life. She's a joy and she is beautiful. Give me wisdom to encourage and support her in the ways she needs me in her adult life.

Love is patient, love is kind... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)


Is there a "stitch" you can reach out and make today?